A Little List

As truly infuriating as parenting can be, I have been blessed with the Best Daughter Ever.  Here is a little list of just a few of the many reasons why Daya is so cool.

1. When we were coming home from New Jersey this past Monday, we took the PATH train back to Manhattan.  We were in the very front car.  There was one seat.  I told Daya to sit down, She said "No Mommy, you sit."  The conductor was right there and he said he had never seen that before- a child offering the seat to their parent instead of taking it for them self- a child having consideration for their mother.  He was very impressed, and kept saying he had never seen that before.

2.  Daya has been into cooking.  I taught her how to use the stove (with the non-negotiable rule of not using it when I am not home)..  She likes to make pasta and scrambled eggs.  Yesterday morning she made herself breakfast AND then she made me breakfast!  Her scrambled eggs are PERFECT.  Not overdone, not under-done, but PERFECT.

3.She leaves irrefutable evidence of her crimes behind.

I wonder who has been drawing on my makeup mirror....

4.  She will put a new roll of toilet paper on the holder-thingy (what is that called?) on her own without being asked.

5. Santa brought her a set of soft pastels.  Look at this portrait of me she did!

I'm not sure what I am wearing in this portrait.

But it looks kinda superhero-ish!

Cat Profile: Pebbles

Name: Pebbles
Color:  Cream Tiger, medium hair
Also Known As: Pest, Pebbz, Pebberz, Peebo
One word description: Pest
Backstory: Pebbles was discovered in an empty apartment in the Bronx starving to death with a litter of six kittens.  Four of them eventually died.
Household Role: Caretaker.  Will check to make sure I am still breathing during the night.  Several times.
Oddities: likes to clean her fur while laying on her back.
Favorite food: plastic.  and everything else.
Favorite spot: my bed

Pebbles is a pest, a clingy velcro-cat who will be anyone's instant BFF.  Loves to be right in my face. She gets static electricity in her tail which makes it look funny. Has an uncanny knack for photo-bombing any picture.  She cannot figure out how to cover her poop but she tries very hard at sweeping the litter box walls.  After the other cats visit, too.  She is mentally afflicted from starving in the apartment and will eat anything.  Loves to chomp on plastic. Is always in the way. Is extremely persistent and enthusiastic about head-butting when I am typing.  Is a very pretty cat.

Pebbz knows how to rock Urban Decay.  She is an ELECTRIC cat.

Spiritual Endurance

Here is a passage from Spiritual Madness by Caroline Myss.  When I heard this for the first time, it resonated with me so deeply I got chills.

********
Endurance and patience are two of the classic lessons of the mystical experience.  What does endurance solve? Endurance makes your soul come up to the surface.  Endurance gives you spiritual stamina.   The biggest fear I see in people- bigger than the fear of dying- is being alone.  

I have witnessed and met very few people 

who are genuinely on the mystical path- 

who have not been asked to endure alone-ness.

Why?  Because you must be able to wait for the voice of God.  And how do you do that?  You literally have to listen to all of the voices that talk to you all the time that are based upon your fears. That are based upon what you have expected from life.  What you are invoking when you are alone and going through endurance is how you thought your life should be, and you've got to be able to give that up.

********* 

I know that spiritual learning and purpose is always more important than human wants and needs. But sometimes, I sure would like for them to be one and the same.

The Hermit

This card symbolizes so much of my life.

I don't mind that at all but I feel ready for change.

Image is from the Art Nouveau tarot, which is a gorgeous deck and was one of my first.

*********
Something I have been thinking about a lot lately is how our own healing naturally extends to others, If we have successfully dealt with a certain situation, hardship, traumatic event, whatever it is- if we have overcome it then that pathway is created to help others.  It opens up an energy frequency. We are able to relate to and see people from the inside out, guide them, and love them.  It gives us the right to speak with authority that healing is possible because we have been there.

Raphael

2015 Intentions

It's time for another new year and intentions.

The year 2014 was just so very strange.  I have no expectations for 2015 other than letting it be whatever it will be. No wishes for "better" or "worse" or whatever.  It will be as it needs to be, however that is.

I'm keeping Intentions short and to the point.

1.  Let God handle details
2.  Drink a lot of tea
3.  Paint some pictures
4.  Meditate

From Tarot of the Cat People

My altar is ready for the New Year.

Kwanzaa in Newark

One of my best friends recently moved to New Jersey, and this past weekend Daya and I went to visit.  It was a lovely time.

We went to the Newark Museum which I loved!  There was also a Kwanzaa event, which was fantastic.Wonderful African drummers and dancers, from the Ivory Coast I believe.  Kwanzaa is a lovely holiday.

Daya got to go dance on stage! She was great.

She looks great with those stage lights!

By the way, drums are a fantastic way to clean your energy.

Blue Light Tree

Here is a little pastel painting I did for Millie for Christmas.  Millie likes dark branchy trees.

4x6 pastel (Senns and pans) on black PastelCard

Intention Surrounded by Love

There's still time

Close your eyes

Only love will guide you home

Tear down the walls and free your soul

                                     -Evanescence

I have many small but powerful tokens representing the most wonderful gifts of friendship from the most significant people in my life. 

They are now all on my altar.  Everyone is represented somehow.  These little but remarkable pieces of them belong in my personal sacred space.  Everything there has meaning, The energy is so powerful and alive.

My Intentions, surrounded by the energy of people who love me, and who I love.

My circle of people is very small.  However, I can say with absolute certainty that everyone in that circle is a true genuine friend.  I have known times- long, difficult times- when I had no one.  To have these people is such a tremendous gift which I am thankful for every day. 

I cannot help but feel deeply blessed.

House Guests

I really wanted a pet skeever for Christmas.

Skeever!  Maybe it winks!

Instead, I get to rat-sit 2 wonderful rat-boys!
They are hanging out with us until Jan 5th.

Blue and Dopey

Christmas

Christmas is here again.

 Before

After

We have just finished opening gifts.  Daya made out pretty well, Santa was good to her.  What I am so glad about, apart from her new dvd player, is that this was an electronics-free Christmas.

Drusilla and Branwen sent a lot of unexpected packages.  
I'm deeply overwhelmed, humbled, and grateful for this amazing display of love.

Branwen went a bit crazy....

 That pile of purple is all from Branwen to Daya.

I am completely in love with this teacup.  

It will live on my house altar.  

It is that special.

These are AMAZING

******

OH YES I DID

The extremely elusive Urban Decay Vice Limited palette...was on sale for about 2 hours before selling out...I...I mean Santa...might have woken up at 4am to stalk the UD site and snag it before it sold out...

not obsessed or anything...nope....

******
Assorted Cat Pictures

 Cats with bows.

 Pebbles wants to rock UD.

 Isis

 The elusive Furball.  I could not get a bow on her.

Queen Isis

********
I hope this holiday season- whatever you celebrate- was full of love.

Stars & A True Miracle

Here are all The Star cards from my little tarot collection.  I just noticed that one of them is upside-down.  Oh well.  I'm not re-taking the photo.

 18 Versions of The Star

Besides, the cat already messed it up.

Pebbles immediately photo-bombed the cards.

*****
This is a True Miracle.  It has never happened before and will likely never happen again.

I know where all the scissors are at the same time

Sacrament

"Every couple of years, the Mystery wakes up.  And when the mystery wakes up, I have to do something about it.  I can't silence the Mystery.

So your promise to love yourself, your sacrament of marriage- is to make an agreement to say to yourself-

When the Mystery wakes up, you will love yourself enough to explore it. You'll love yourself enough to know that- 

I can't stop power from coming into my system. 
That you'll love yourself enough to become empowered.

Now, that may sound almost paradoxical, but I want to explain something.

Most people are terrified of becoming the empowered person they are seeking."

                                                     -Caroline Myss

The Star by joya250

SOLSTICE: Conscious Election

Today is the shortest day, followed by the longest night.  It is the Birth of Light, which is what the season really is all about.  It's not religion, it is nature.

This is a very powerful time to birth our own light, change our course, and take back our energy from the places we have relinquished it.

My new card (and I didn't even have to pull it- I was told outright) - is The Star.

The Star

Image by Sanja
(Thanks Laurel!)

The Star follows The Tower. This makes very good sense.

*****

Anyhow, on Conscious Election- we make choices with our thoughts and energy.  This runs very deep, and I have now learned it on a whole new level.  Though I have some work to do, I am grateful for my lessons. I am ready to move forward.

Have a beautiful Solstice.

Fairies, Tree, and Zamboni

Today I met up with Dru and Branwen, who came into the city for the day.  We had a lovely lunch and then we walked around.  It is so nice to just float around the city.  Despite being the ultimate love-hate relationship, I truly feel so at home here.

Faerie window & houses at Lord and Taylor

Here is the tree this year at Rockefeller Center.

Here is the Zamboni cleaning the ice rink.

Death Energy

It sounds scary and in general it IS scary but life and death are inseparably intertwined.  Death is not just about someone crossing over out of this physical life.

Bringing Death Energy into outdated situations, mindsets, and Life Experiences is sometimes necessary.  Especially if we can do it consciously.  Because Death of some sort must---absolutely MUST happen in order to move on.

This means Change and that is Scary.  Fear is not my problem though.  I do have courage on my side.  It's the sadness that gets me every time.

I discovered that I have been going through another death cycle.  It really, truly sucks but it is also really, truly ok.  Now, at least.  I wasn't ok for a while there.  While I really don't understand all the workings of it, that's what happened and it is actually a good thing.  It really could have gone one of two ways, one surely better than the other, but the energy shift is the same.

The Enough is Enough place I reached where something just burned out, while unpleasant, had to happen.  I stopped at that place for a little while because I didn't know where to go.  I didn't know how to go.  I didn't know what was going on.  It was a dark, deeply hopeless place.  I believe this is what my Guides were trying to tell me with the story of Job. Taking it symbolically as a Journey.  Reaching that place of utter hopeless despair, losing faith- reconnecting with it- and positive energy comes back.  And my energy has shifted.

I truly do see myself as strong.  And my turning point was when I chose to reclaim and use my personal power rather than staying stuck.  Because my personal power is something I am simply not willing to relinquish.

I have officially put in a request for re-enrollment in the School of Life on Earth- but with different lessons.  Very specific ones.  And I know why, too.  So now I wait.  I still feel a little scared that I will get back to the same place again but I really do feel different internally.  The choice of where to go is mine but what I am not going to worry about is sorting out the details. That is not handled by me.  Thank goodness.

This is also very good timing as we are in the season of death and the Birth of Light is coming up on the Solstice next week.  So, it's a powerful time for birthing new energy.

Death Therapy

And the really stupid thing about this is that I still feel sad!  It is something that is just there, constantly, a Presence.  I truly don't know why it won't go away.  It is something I seem to have no control over.  It isn't overpowering or interfering.  I don't do anything about it, or even really pay attention to it except to be aware that it is still there.  Hopefully it will just burn out in time.

(Tarot card image is from the Golden Tarot by Kat Black)

The Death of Blogs

A few weeks ago, I quit Facebook.  My brain suddenly and emphatically said ENOUGH.  My mind felt saturated with words, names, quotes, images, junk...to a point of overflow.  I feel mentally much better without Facebook.

Blogs have become out-dated.  No one blogs anymore.  Except me, because I'm now old-fashioned. There used to be such a thriving community.  I loved- truly loved- reading peoples' stories. Keeping up with them.  Reading comments.  Writing comments.  Sending them prayers, good wishes, and love that often they never knew about. Caring about someone else's story in their own space.  Learning from their stories.  There is something intimate about a blog.  You get to actually spend time with someone- pay attention to them- when you read their short stories.

Facebook newsfeeds are just....different.  Snippets and re-posts coming at an overwhelming pace.  Too much information from too many sources.  Everyone is throwing their snippets out into common space.  It's too noisy.  My mind can't handle all that noise.

Make it stop!

I miss the blogs I used to follow which are no longer updated.  Though many of my blog-friends are my Facebook friends, it is just not the same.  It's lonely out here in BlogLand but I like it better.  I like my own little tiny corner of the internet.

There were a couple of years when I didn't post much and now I am wishing I did- I like the record of stories and memories.

Facebook has its good points- such as finding people.  I found my Scotty again and for that I will always be grateful.  However, there is also something very unhealthy about Facebook.  It has overtaken so much.

The purpose of my blog is not to get attention.  Though if people visit I appreciate it very much.  Blogging is very therapeutic. It helps me, and maybe it helps someone else out there too.  Link

Please Stand By

Processing Current Life Lesson

Things are finally starting to come together.

ENOUGH IS ENOUGH is, apparently, where I had to go.

You know what feels very strange?  Feeling truly sad in my heart and truly being ok at the same time.

*******
Scorpio is fixed water. Deep, still water.  Dark water.  And water, symbolically, is emotion.  And believe me, we will explore every little bit of scary surface way down there in order to understand it and transmute it.  Well, I will at least.

You know what's down there in ScorpioLand?  These guys.

I want a pet Anglerfish.  I love them.

So anyhow I am processing.  Downloading.  Re-arranging my personal power. When I know more I'll blog it, because that really does help me sort it all out.

Thumbtack Stuck in Hair

This morning I got a call from the school, but it wasn't for me.  They were looking for my friend, and I am her emergency contact.

They told me her son put a thumb tack in his hair and it was stuck, they want permission to cut his hair.  I repeated the problem to them to make sure I understood it correctly.  Several times. Thumbtack stuck in hair.  Confirmed.  Is it hurting him?  No.  But they can't get it out.

Many things are baffling about this.

1. First of all, here is the child in question.  He doesn't have much hair, and what he has is fine and non-tangly.

Gavin

2. How does a thumbtack get stuck in anyone's hair? (Unless it was Daya.  Then I might understand.)
3. Why did he have a thumbtack in the first place?

I contacted my friend who had no words. We were both trying to understand this one.

As it turns out, Gavin got Fun-Tack in his hair.  The stick-things-to-the-wall-putty stuff.

Kneaded erasers are much better to play with than Fun-Tak.  

Trust me on this one.

This was an event the school considered serious enough to:
1) Call my friend and leave a voicemail
2) Call me, her emergency contact
3) Send a follow-up email about the situation.

HOWEVER

When Daya fractured her finger they dismissed the whole thing as being a complete non-event.

Cat Hairs of Inspiration

That phrase is so good I wish I came up with it.  Robert did.  Thanks Robert, for visiting my blog and for your insightful comments.

I do not have much inspiration at the moment but I do have quite a lot of cat hair in my life.  Aside from the odd puked-up hairball or two, almost all of it is still attached to the three stupid cats who loiter around my apartment acting all entitled.

These are difficult days.  I am in an internal place that is new- it feels like something has just burned out. But there is no other option except to keep going.

Coming back to Job-because I am still thinking about it- when he said Enough is Enough- when he got to that point- it was a turning point.  For him, everything just got better after that.  But that is just not a realistic outcome; it is not Real Life.  I'm thinking Job's story just doesn't really hold up at all.

Here is my Horrorscope for the month:

SCORPIO: December 17th 18th and 19th have got your back this month! Patience is NOT always a virtue and that's a good thing because you are raring to go even if you're not sure where! Some of you may not care where as long as it is somewhere/something else! These words from Osha can assist you to work with Decembers, somewhat contradictory energies, dear Scorpio; "Drop the idea of becoming someone because you are already a masterpiece. You cannot be improved. You have only to come to it, to know it and to realize it." Interestingly, your humor and zeal are there to support you as Jupiter IS reinforcing your careful development to "become someone" and Saturn is leaving you alone so you can do it! Yes, Saturn is leaving Scorpio, leaving behind gifts of maturity….and as a Scorpio, I maturely send it off with a good old fashioned Bronx cheer! WORDS TO LIVE BY; You are a masterpiece!

Thoughts:

Patience is NOT always a virtue and that's a good thing because you are raring to go even if you're not sure where!  Some of you may not care where as long as it is somewhere/something else!   TRUE

Yes, Saturn is leaving Scorpio  THANK GOODNESS.  SATURN I AM TIRED OF YOU.  EFF OFF ALREADY.

Good Parenting

I am clearly the Best Mom Ever.
Well, in France it would be pretty normal, I guess.  Also, it was very nice Italian wine.

Magic Rainbow UniKitty

Daya's wonderful drawing

Human Stuff

I am "spiritualed-out" right now.

Sometimes it is necessary to step back from all the Power of Positive Thinking, Law of Attraction, Change Your Vibration, Higher Frequency etc etc etc and remember that we are human and that means we go through human stuff.

It is impossible to be happy-happy-joy-joy all the time.  Not only is it completely unrealistic, it is just not the human experience.  And when one is feeling particularly human, it just sucks to be reminded that you'll just attract more of what you are feeling.  Great. Just what I want to hear- that because I am feeling less than fantastic, I'm messing myself up. So what's a girl to do?

In the more new agey thought circles, there does tend to be a "blame the victim" mentality.  I can't stand that word, victim- and I am NEVER a victim. So perhaps a better re-phrasing would be there is a mindset that because we control our own reality we are attracting everything to us so it's our own fault- for lack of a better word.  But since we do not live in a vaccuum, I personally feel this is unbalanced because one needs internal/external balance and awareness.

Here is an amazing powerful brilliant painting my friend Nancy Park just finished.  It is such a perfect representation of how life just is sometimes.

The Nightmare
Nancy Park
30x40, oil

I wish I painted this!