2007

The year is drawing to a close. It's been an odd year, a little disappointing, a little annoying, but it has been stable. And stable is what I needed. It's been the year of Signs From Above that never panned out, or were outright WRONG. (Yes I'm a bit peeved about that)

I think I need a new Spirit Guide. I'm convinced that mine took off with my muse. But I digress.

While the year was less fruitful in many ways than I thought it would be, there is still so much to be thankful for (in no particular order):

*My daughter's health
*My health
*Stable home
*Good job
*I am able to properly care for my daughter
*I am not in jail
*I am not on drugs
*I am not in the hospital
*Peaceful home
*Amazing friends
*Creative tendencies (although currently in a lag)
*Positive future outlook

I have kept a pink candle burning all year, since the first day of 2007. I'll continue that, but I'm switching to a white candle.

Same as last year, I don't set resolutions. I intend. And 2008 is the end of my "vacation" and the start of the initial stages of preparing to leave NYC. In the immediate action that means saving money, which I have not been doing at all this year. Today I chose my destination (which I'm not mentioning here yet) and I can now let the energy start building. There is still time, but now is the time to begin focusing.

So far, quite a few of the things that ***** mentioned have come to pass. There is still time for the rest that have not, so that's good. But I am making my own path, doing what I need to do for my child and myself. And we need a life upgrade.

Life is such a strange thing, and it's passing all the time, coming closer and closer to its end. The power to change is the power to grow and experience.

Pesonal Potty

Apparently a certain toddler now hates diapers... and as much as I want to wait until summer, she got her own Personal Potty.

So far, I think it's going very well, wouldn't you agree?

Wanted: New Muse

After reading Serena's blog it occurred to me that I need a new muse. Because mine's been gone for MONTHS and now hers is too and I bet mine was involved.

So here's my want-ad:

Wanted: A New Muse
Must be:
Reliable, consistent, loyal, inspirational, energetic, wacky, and open-minded. Muse must have a propensity towards the visual arts and especially oils. Knows how to regulate inspirational flow at just the right speed. Computer skills and mad scientist tendencies a good plus.

Must not:
Take vacations longer than 2 weeks at a time (or at least check in and let me know!!), be flaky, have bad ideas, forget that they are my muse (dammit!), fall asleep on the job, leave things unfinished, or have a passion for sewing.

Please apply in dreams or in the aluna.

Thanx a million.
Hugs and kisses,
J

The Lobotomy

Last night I gave my computer a lobotomy.

See, even though I purchased this computer and Windows brand new from HP, I had a bad system crash in early 2006. The guy who saved my computer had to wipe the drive and reinstall everything. Trouble was he installed a bootleg version of Windows XP professional, when I was supposed to have a genuine copy of XP Home.

Time passed. My system wasn't running properly and I couldn't do any updates due to the bootleg version. Then I lost a bunch of accessories, like the volume control. So, the inevitable. Of course I never had XP install disks, so I got some from HP. And I figured, since I had to start from scratch anyhow why not get a new hard drive too. Because between both my hard drives I was running out of space.

Last night was the lobotomy. I was really nervous about switching out a hard drive because they're fairly delicate (the static thing). But it worked!! Except for the fright I got when I realized I left my old C drive in instead of the backup hard drive where all my data was...when i swapped out the correct drive everything worked!

And still works!

Today was spent updating software, finding and installing updated drivers, everything. My system is running so much better. And my new hard drive?

400 gigs!!!!

Friday

I took Friday off and went for a massage. I wish massages weren't so expensive, because they sure are awesome. If you have the opportunity to get a massage with hot stones, don't hesitate. It's just beyond awesome.

Afterwards I went to my favorite Japanese restaurant- one I've been going to for years. It was my spot to go, have a quiet meal by myself with a glass of plum wine and a good book. I miss being able to do that more often...........

New Word

Daya suprised me the other night by saying something she's never said before, and doesn't hear, either.

Apparently she saw a special kids' show on fire trucks. We were walking down Queens Blvd and she saw a truck. She tried to say fire truck.

But it did not come out quite right.......

:&

The Rainbow Room

Oh my god.

The FOOD was AMAZING. Oh my god the FOOD.....
The view was AMAZING. Seriously, unimaginable.
The drinks were...well... I'm not much of a drinker but every time -insert company name here- has a party I'm still drunk the next morning. I asked around and found out our party was $300 per person.

(Yes I can still walk a straight line. Barely, but I can.)

The party ended at 9. I left around 10:30.

Oh, if you are ever in NYC do yourself a favor and go to the Rainbow Room. It's worth the money, I promise you.

I'm not a person who is much impressed by glamour. I do not seek it, nor do I relish it. But tonight was COOL.

As much as I hate it, I deeply love New York City. One day I will leave it, and on that day I will rejoice. But I know this city will always be in my heart. It is a part of me. I have lived more than half my life here. In this place I have experienced the bottom and the top of life. It is true you can find anything here.

I am in a definite period of my life, a chapter, a stage of my life, which will end sooner than I can blink.

So I will enjoy it to the fullest extent while I can, because each today is only a memory.

But really, if you can get over to the Rainbow Room, do it.

A Wonderful Friend

Tonight is my company's holiday party. I usually avoid company holiday parties, but this year I have to go.

Because it's at the Rainbow Room, and tonight is also the lighting of the tree at Rockefeller Center. The coolness factor is just...well, cool. And I've never been to the Rainbow Room.

My friend Mary is watching Daya tonight, and she just called me and said wouldn't it be easier if Daya just spent the night there? I am not arguing with that.

Especially since I spent most of my school years as a social outcast I take friendship really seriously. I'm always touched when someone does something kind.

8 Happy Things

Julie tagged me, so I'm going to do her meme because I like Julie and I also like the number 8.

So here goes, 8 happy things about me:

1. Pencils with green erasers make me happy.
2. So does pistachio pudding and/or ice cream.
3. Tea makes me very, very happy.
4. My wacky toddler.
5. Oil paint...everything about it.
6. Succulent plants.
7. God(dess) makes me happy.
8. Taking a nice hot bath or shower and crawling into bed with freshly washed sheets.


:)

I'm here, I really am...

I haven't posted for a few reasons.

Daya had her second birthday. Which needs its own special post so I'll do that...with pictures.

The real reason I haven't posted is because my sister got me completely addicted to the Tomb Raider Anniversary game, which is very good and I highly recommend it. Great game that doesn't have violence as its reason for existence.

So let's see...other things to say...I seem to have lost my painting groove for the last month or so...just can't get into it. :(

On Friday I made a wonderful pumpkin pie from fresh pumpkin...and I have to make more pies because I have a lot of pumpkin left. Things could be a lot worse. :)

Oh, and I have to reinstall Windows XP at some point soon. :(

Daya hates diapers but will pee on the floor.

Washable markers do not come off walls easily.

Here are some pictures, becaue they are more interesting than anything I currently have to say.

Oh, and thanks Julie for checking in!!!

Stuff # 3

Today's Toddler Mayhem. (Don't worry, there's not a picture of the earlier pee puddle on the floor.)





This is what toddlers do to clean floors: (aside from peeing on them)



Toddler Fashion Sense:

Stuff # 2

Last weekend I went shopping. Anyone with a little kid (or kids) knows how crappy it is to go shopping with them in tow.

I had mine in tow.

The boogerish behaviour of the mentioned child knocked me just a little off-kilter and I left my wallet at Sears. I discovered that the weight in my pocket that I assumed was my wallet was a sippy cup. At the checkout in the grocery store. With a line behind me. Oh shit.

Of course your life flashes before you when your wallet is missing. Luckily (thank you to everyone who answered my prayer!*) I got my wallet- according to the girl at the Sears checkout, the woman behind me turned it in. They gave it to the guys in the office. Nothing was stolen.

On Thursday I got a call from American Express...someone tried to put a charge through on my corporate Amex for over $7,000!! The vendor? Sears Online. I think one of the guys in the office there copied my card...and what else did they copy??? I'm on alert.

*I have a special Sign from the Universe that is basically a "You are taken care of all is well you aren't alone" kind of thing. For many years I have experienced it, always when I simply need it, or if I ask for an answer to something. It's highly unique and obvious but I'll never tell anyone what it is. My Sign came when I was waiting in the checkout line, right before I discovered the missing wallet. So I guess someone was watching out after all. Thanks!

Stuff # 1

I'm behind with posting. So here's the catch up:

Hallowwen. It was fun.

Julie?????

Where did you go? Your blog is gone and I miss you!

Samhain

I love Samhain (pronounced SOW-en). Today is Samhain, the Celtic Day of the Dead. The New Year. It's my favorite time of year, actually. Of course we had fun.

I'm too tired to write so here are some pics instead. Oh, I painted the kid. As in I applied paint (gouache!) to the kid's face. Hey, I paint everything else, so painting her was just a matter of time.

Little Blue Spark

My 30s are off to a *swimmingly* good start!

This morning I didn't wake up in time to go to work...oops. Apparently I turned my alarm off in my sleep, the cat didn't wake me, and the child slept in from being up late last night. So I woke up three minutes before I absolutely had to leave. But, thankfully I had my computer at home so was able to just work from home today.

I was very counter-productive.

Because I really do have quite a bit of actual work to do, I wanted to, well, do it. When I work from home sometimes I put a dvd on to listen to. My drive isn't working. And it's less than a year old. And it was a little bit expensive. Bummer. So making a long story short I opened my computer to make sure the drive really was the problem, which it is. And when I was testing it, I plugged in the power supply to the dvd drive while the computer was turned on, thereby earning my rightful title as Queen of Deliberate Stupidity.

There was a little blue spark. Only a little one, but it blew out the whole power supply.

The helpful person at Best Buy scared me very much by telling me that I may have also blown the motherboard. So I started praying earnestly and sincerely. And I gave Best Buy $80.

When I got home, I installed the new power supply. Turned the computer on- nothing.
Then I remembered the little switch at the back of the new power supply, and flipped it. Everything is happy again.

************
I've had this hope, this wish, that as I grow in life experience I would somehow cease to be prone to doing stupid things. This seems not to be the case. I can understand doing new stupid things; situations I have never before encountered. That's ok. But obvious stupid things? I don't even know what to say, except thanks that it wasn't a whole lot worse.

************
Below is a picture of my computer's guts, pre-Deliberate Stupidity.

Happy Today To Me

I'm 30 today.

For my 30th birthday, I went to work. Then I brought work home, for probably the third time this year. Oh well.

Then my sister called me an Old Hag which made me sad 'cause maybe she's right but then I felt better because there was a gift certificate involved. :)


Now it's almost 10 and I have a headache, I'm too tired to make dinner, it's my bedtime and Daya just woke up.

Hey, I think I'm off to a great start!

Mostly Happy

It doesn't take very much to make a nice evening.

Mostly 30

Next week I’ll be 30. Over the past four months or so, I’ve been going through a strange sort of major life review. And I’ve been in a down cycle for about a month now, which is extremely crappy. I can’t even paint- last weekend I started a quick oil, but I just couldn’t get into it.

So, 30. For my 30th birthday I had a very good astrologer read my chart for the next year. Actually the reading was extremely insightful and almost all of the aspects she mentioned from my natal chart were dead-on accurate. It also gave me deep insight into a very bad problem which has been plaguing me for my whole entire life, so hopefully now that I have a bit more clarity I can learn to deal with it a little better.

Quick Funny

I have a cold. :(

So I went to the drugstore.

There was a Sikh looking at the hair dye. For quite a long time.

I thought that was just hilarious.

(Sheiks are those Punjabis who wear turbans.)

Outsourced Call Centers

Am slightly behind on blogging over the past few days. Sorry. Sorry Janeen, I haven't gotten to your tag yet either.

Right now this very immediate second I want to talk about outsourced call centers to India. And what I would like to say about them is that I DO NOT LIKE THEM. It's got nothing to do with the people who answer the phones, or India herself, but every. single. time. I am routed to India they are very polite but generally clueless. I have zero confidence in them, and unfortunately I'm proven correct time and time again.

My very favorite outsourced call center experience was when I booked airline tickets, and after carefully explaining and re-confirming all the minute details of a three day trip, my return ticket was booked two months later than my requested return date. I found this out at the check-in counter when I went home. My name was also spelled wrong. It took them two different attempts to get it right.

My second favorite outsourced call center experience was when the bank ran a check I wrote through the system for the wrong amount. I called to request a refund/adjustment. After carefully explaining the situation in the clearest terms I could think of (and I am a trainer by profession; I know how to present material) the extremely polite person on the other end thought it was a deposit that was incorrect.

Just now I called asking about a suspicious bank fee, and the overly-polite person on the other end started reading (yes, reading) to me a blurb about average minimum balance, which I know for a fact does not apply to this situation. Tomorrow morning I'll go to the branch.

Ok, so outsourcing to India is cheaper, but at the cost of people who understand what is going on and can actually service customers?

End of rant.

Macrobiotic Fried Cheese

Yolanda was very upset with me over my loving mention of fried cheese a few posts ago. She has a point. Actually, if everyone was as wonderful and conscious about eating healthy like Yolanda is, we'd all look like her and she's gorgeous. So what she says really does matter. I should listen to her where food is concerned.

I would hereby like to say that fried cheese is probably not the healthiest thing one could willingly consume, but it's saving grace is that it's really, really yummy.

So I would hereby like to present to Yolanda an apology covered with this fall's harvest of fresh fruit topped with raw honey and homemade granola. Hmmm... that sounds really good. (and fruit and cheese go well together!)

Oh! Stinks!

Daya's in the beginning phases of being ready to be potty trained, I think. She tells me when she's pooped ("OH!! *STINKS*!! POOOOOOOPY!"). Actually, every time I change her diaper she has to sniff it and inform me "OH!! STINKS!!" I'm trying to teach her "pee", since everything is still poopy.

But while "OH!! STINKS!!" is actually very cute and endearing, she has now discovered something less cute and endearing. Now, for three mornings in a row, when I take her diaper off she pees on the floor.

This morning I told her to wait while I cleaned up (which she did!). Then I got her dressed and she was playing with her books. After I did her hair, I got her attention, pointed to the floor where she had peed, and said "No Pee Floor." I did not expect her to immediately burst into tears and lay face down on the floor. She was really upset, which made me feel bad. But maybe it will stop this little habit....

Trudge Trudge

I just realized writing that title what a strange word "trudge" is. Anyhow.

For the last week or so I haven't been feeling so great in general. Inside not-great. I'm tired. It happens and it will pass. I feel outside everything, doing the things I have to do in order to take care of myself and Daya. The city and peoples' meanness drains me and makes me sad, sometimes. I want to go home, to a place I vaguely remember in subtle feelings.

Yesterday I got an email from a friend of mine, who I think has been in recent contact with the X. He suddenly wants to talk to me about stuff, in his words he's "very, very curious" about how I dealt with the aftermath of the relationship, and how I "suffered needlessly". I will not talk about this with him, because I don't want to, because it's so far in the past, because I've moved on, because it's none of his business.

That last bit, the "needless suffering" is directly from the X. I feel a vague, gauzy anger thinking about it and even reading it. He thinks I suffered needlessly in my reaction because I have feelings, as if that was a spiritual deficiency.

The complex understanding and insight I have over this cannot be relayed- it's one of those kinds of knowledge that the more you know about it, the less you can speak about it. And that's fine with me.

Medieval Daya

Daya Dancing at the Medieval Faire from flavopurpurea on Vimeo.

Loving Evil

CNN has a photo on their front page of one of the unidentified girls in that sex tape. She looks like she's 6 or 7 years old. Her face, the eyes. I can't look at it.

In all the fantasy stories and fairy tales evil is blatant and always looks a certain way; easily recognizeable. It appears as ugly and scary as it is. Those people that do things to little children, they look normal in the street more often than not. We do not fear them in the street as they walk by. Our society is full of pretty things that are evil.

Spiritually speaking we are supposed to love those who cause horrible pain to us and others. Even the child molesters. A tough lesson. That's the secret to not being poisoned. Feeling angry, hating, participating in any way just spreads the sickness, the evil- it goes right into your heart and makes you sick. But still, looking at that child's face, knowing where she was at the time and what she was going through, makes me want to throw up. I am far more susceptible to sadness than anger.

Just Some Ramblings

This evening on the walk to Breck's studio I wondered whether people might value each other more if there weren't so damn many of us everywhere. That statement is obviously biased towards NYC, or any large city or crowd for that matter. Lately I've been thinking about basic hospitality in different cultures. Community ties between people. Goodwill.

In all of the old fairy tales I've been reading lately, people often wish each other well as a matter of course, give lodging and food to strangers on the road, and overall seem simpler to each other. I like the language of the old tales. These things had to have originated in the culture of the time. For example, in Old Norse culture hospitality was one of their most noble virtues. If someone landed on your doorstep in winter they'd be with you ALL winter, as a matter of accepted course. In return they would leave valuable gifts with the host.

More and more I am growing tired in the city. In some ways it's good that I'm here because I can see a contrast of what is and what I do not want to be. I strive for a peaceful, quiet life- at a much slower pace than what is around me. While I do crave community- true community- I also don't want to have to be obligated to fit into a group collective. It's a strange and lonely place to be. I want my environment, the energy soup I walk around in, to match what I strive for internally.

I don't know where I am going. The other night before I went to sleep I asked for a dream pointing me to a good place to move. I dreamed of Phoenix AZ, and I kid you not, in my dream I thought, "Well, at least it would be easy to grow stapeliads there," Then I looked up Phoenix, knowing nothing about it, and it so completely does NOT resonate with the kind of place I want to go to. What's up, universe?

So I'm drifting. Drifting through a desert period, it seems. Waiting for the changes that I know must inevitably come in their own time.

Friday Morning

Early this morning I had a dream that my cat died. Which made me really really really sad. But then in the dream she came back to life. That was much better but I still felt sad.

Then Daya woke me up a little before 6:30 because her crib was all wet, and it wasn't from the sippy cup. Totally my fault, because I didn't put her shorts on over her diaper and she took it off. I know she takes her diaper off, and I have absolutely no good reason for not putting on her shorts. *sighs* her sheets were just changed, too.

Tonight is Friday night. I think I will go home and fry some cheese and have a glass of wine. Oh, is today the equinox or did that happen already? Or is it tomorrow? Well, it's soon. Happy Mabon. Say a thank-you prayer and go fry some cheese.

The Bus From Boca Chica

The trip was amazing...my favorite part was leaving the resort with the girls from the gift shop and going to the barrio in Boca Chica. Apparently people here think I'm crazy for doing that but I intuitively knew it was safe, and I did ask for a sign that all was well. So no worries there. Maybe I am a bit loca, who knows.

Enjoy the bus ride from Boca Chica to Juan Dolio. Turn your sound on for the music.

:)



The Bus From Boca Chica from flavopurpurea on Vimeo.

La Playa y El Mar

I came back from the Dominican Republic yesterday late afternoon and I actually went to work today. My brain shut down at about 2pm and...oh, I'm here blogging.

What, you didn't know I left? Sorry, forgot to mention it! I was gone for 5 days.

While the videos are uploading here are some pictures because I'm too tired and incoherent to write anything much.

Quickie Summary:

*Questionable food translations
*Three marriage proposals
*1 crab on the porch
*Crashed another resort
*Spent 1 night with the locals in the barrio
*Learned that roosters crow all night
*We are so goddamned fortunate here
*beautiful people and hospitality
*the bus in DR is very different from NYC buses!
*awesome food
*awesome beach
*I didn't get sick at all!

More later.

Creepy

Ok, so I have a creepy situation here.

Two nights ago I decided, after a few months of hiatus, to resume my nightly gratitude meditation which consists of a simple chant.

I use my mala beads to time the meditation. The first night, at just about the halfway point in the meditation, my clock radio went off loudly for just a second. Except that it wasn't set or even turned on.

Last night THE EXACT SAME THING HAPPENED. At the exact same point in the meditation.

It scared me.

Tonight I'm going to try again and see if it happens. I'm a little creeped out. It just seems so...deliberate. And I have no idea why, but it's too obvious to be a random thing.

Mini-series Finale

I would like to stress the Mini part of mini-series. And I did, after all, promise drama.

Um, I thought this didn't look too good, and I was right. No more bud. Sad.

September Mini-Series

I cordially invite you to join me for a special September mini-series.

The drama!
The excitement!!
The suspense!!!
THE STENCH!!!!

What could possibly be so riveting, you ask? Well, I'll tell you. My Stapelia Gigantea has buds! I really am excited. Because I am a geek. (Note to bud: Please don't shrivel and die. Love and kisses, J)

These flowers are about the size of a dinner plate, and before they open they turn into really cool pods. They're hairy and striped and...

...Then they open and stink up the whole room. Powerfully foul flowers. If I remember correctly they take about a month to grow and open.

So here we go. The Plant:



See the bud? Here's a close-up: