Trudge Trudge

I just realized writing that title what a strange word "trudge" is. Anyhow.

For the last week or so I haven't been feeling so great in general. Inside not-great. I'm tired. It happens and it will pass. I feel outside everything, doing the things I have to do in order to take care of myself and Daya. The city and peoples' meanness drains me and makes me sad, sometimes. I want to go home, to a place I vaguely remember in subtle feelings.

Yesterday I got an email from a friend of mine, who I think has been in recent contact with the X. He suddenly wants to talk to me about stuff, in his words he's "very, very curious" about how I dealt with the aftermath of the relationship, and how I "suffered needlessly". I will not talk about this with him, because I don't want to, because it's so far in the past, because I've moved on, because it's none of his business.

That last bit, the "needless suffering" is directly from the X. I feel a vague, gauzy anger thinking about it and even reading it. He thinks I suffered needlessly in my reaction because I have feelings, as if that was a spiritual deficiency.

The complex understanding and insight I have over this cannot be relayed- it's one of those kinds of knowledge that the more you know about it, the less you can speak about it. And that's fine with me.