Move|NYC Show

So.... yesterday (and today) are the Move|NYC shows.
I have tickets to all three shows.

Daya is in zero of the shows because of her stupid toe injury and the whole thing is crappy and I feel quite heartbroken over it, so does she but she won't talk about it, and it has been very difficult.

Anyhow.

I have tickets to three shows that my kid is not in because it's still important to show up for her.

But I really loved the show and I love the program.
They have headshots done of the kids and they are all on display.

They also have the kids write aspirational resumes.

I wanted to get Daya's picture by her headshot but she said no so I respected that- then her friend took one and I guess that was ok with Daya but it was not ok for me to do it. :(

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And Daya and I had a fight.
After the first show.
The stupid kind that just really hurt.

After the first show everyone went into the reception studio area with all the headshots. 

Families celebrating. Everyone happy.

Daya is nowhere to be found.  I texted her, no answer.

So I called asking where she is and can she please come say hi.

She said she was in the office working and no.

I don't know, that really just hit me really the wrong way.

Everyone is there with their kids and mine won't even come out and say hello quickly.
I'm there for her and she wouldn't come out to say hello and when I asked the program director she was puzzled too.

She went and got Daya and we had a bit of a fight, I was really upset at her response.

Whether or not she thinks it should, I felt really hurt.

Anyhow with Ms Chanel's help we got through it and I told Daya next time just come say hello and tell me you can't stay but we'll talk after the second show.

Daya and I in general do not communicate well and we could use some professional help with this but Daya refuses so....it sucks.

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I don't think Daya really understands or appreciates the depth of support I give her.

I do think it is important for me to be there even though she isn't dancing- she's still part of the program.
And I always show up for her.

Even though I hate being alone in a room full of families celebrating together.

And I wonder if she even remembers that time right after my eye surgery when I probably shouldn't have been out, I needed assistance getting around, I couldn't see and was in pain and I STILL went to her dance performance at Steps.

And whatever else is going on, I ALWAYS show up for that kid.

So just come out and freaking say hello for 30 seconds!

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I'm going to the third show today, it is this afternoon and I think I need to go out and paint beforehand and just reset myself, as I'm still clearing out feelings this morning.

(I am listening to a book my friend lent me called Burnout, it is very excellent and I was listening to it yesterday right before the show. The book talks about going through the stress/emotion process cycle and just letting it complete so that's what I'm doing. So relevant.)