topiary cats

topiary cats

Monday, June 22, 2015

Forgive

When I am upset, it takes a while for things to move through me.

I am still reeling from what my friend did last week. I wish I could just turn off feelings, but I have to allow them to pass naturally, and that can take a while, depending on the situation. It is unpleasant but it is what it is.

Jesus said,
"Forgive them for they know not what they do."

And that applies here.  People are often completely unaware of the repercussions of their words and actions. My friend hurt me very deeply in ways she just could never know about.  Could she have handled things differently?  Yes, certainly.  What she did was wrong.  And I am not required to lay out my innards just for someone else to feel justified in being compassionate.

Although telling her didn't help much.  And it has absolutely nothing to do with her whatsoever. It isn't her business. And it also isn't the end of the world, or anything even close to being so dire.

Were her intentions good? Yes. But that doesn't mean it wasn't harmful in the way it was carried out. The way in which things are done can be more harmful than helpful, so be careful when "helping" without the other person's knowledge or consent. And if that "help" comes with a heavy hand of judgement and condemnation, you are definitely NOT helping no matter what.

When we love people, we must love them for who they are- issues and all.  Dark spots and failures. My friend has her own dark spots and failures, too, but I have never judged her for it, because I know we are all dealing with our own challenges in life, and what is easy for one person is an un-surpass-able mountain for someone else. And we are all just doing our best.

Ideally, I would like for people to extend the same compassion and non-judgement that I offer them, but I also know that not everyone has arrived at that point yet. They don't know any better.  They cannot go past their own filters.  And that is exactly why I have to forgive, and realize we are all on this life journey to learn.

The most powerful thing is to love someone in their dark places that need the most love.
Most people don't do this; they just judge.

"A friend is someone who knows you and likes you anyway."

*****
All this aside, I am still hurting. Quite badly. Forgiveness does not make the hurt go away.  I will just have to let my heart heal in its own time, and carry on.  But I might be even more cautious than I already am about letting people too close, or trusting that my closest people will still love me, failures and all.


4 comments:

  1. I'm sorry to hear you're hurting so much :-( Words can really cut DEEP and leave a serious scar. And in a way it's even worse when the person who gave you the scar doesn't even realize it and/or doesn't get why you feel so hurt by what they did or said.

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  2. I am so sorry you are feeling upset still, it is hard to let go when someone hurts you so badly. But let go you must. (((hugs)))

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