Internal

Carey said something in this post:

It's more than I am wont to share to begin with, 

honestly, as I am so extremely internal.

Me too. Oh, me too!

This blog, and sometimes my paintings, are my inside-out.  It is really ironic that I write internal stuff and it is out there publicly. Because I am such a private person, and I am so deeply internal.  I think about this, and wonder.

Perhaps this blog is somehow my balance to that.  Maybe on some level it is my way of being brave in a way which I find to be very scary and facing that fear. That fear of internal exposure. Sometimes it does make me nervous.  But truly, I'm not scared of very much these days.  I have Perspective.

These are the things I fear most:

*A health crisis, either mine or Daya's

*Losing my job.  Even though I get regular job offers/leads through LinkedIn, and I have not looked for new employment for the last nine (9) years- but I really like my job and I want to stay.

*Physical disability/dismemberment

*Going blind

As far as the usual fears people have, I'm not really afraid of dying, except that it would put Daya in a very bad place. I have paperwork in place but.....well, there are some issues there and I have to change it but I don't know what to change it to..... So I can't die. At least not until Daya is an adult.

Public speaking doesn't bother me; I used to do that for my job.
Being alone doesn't bother me. I am always ok alone.  That does have its scary challenges, particularly with a young child involved, but being alone in and of itself does not scare me one bit. 

Well, that is as internal as it gets.

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Card today: Golden Palace (upright)

My interpretation: Attaining reward at the end of a long journey/struggle/effort.  That Golden Palace does not look like an easy place to get to.  But it does look worth getting to.  Efforts and struggle being worthwhile, end of a long journey, rewards for efforts, light at the end of the tunnel, struggles and hardships coming to positive end.

Booklet says: 'There is always enough" Good fortune, ambitions fulfilled, emotional fulfillment, a time of happiness that is long-overdue, material gain, tangible rewards.  Self worth is not what you have, it is what you are.

I quite like this card.

Tangible

I recently finished an amazing book...and in that book was a blurb about NYC that I have so very often thought:

It's one thing to see New York City on tv or imagine it 
as an author brings it to life on the page, 
but it's another thing entirely to be in the midst 
of the action and energy.  

It pulses out of every crack in the sidewalk, 
from signposts, and from mortared bricks. 

 It's like everyone who's ever been there left a little bit of themselves behind, making the city itself a living organism.

                                                                         from Sugar by Dierdre Riordan Hall

from the top of the Central Park Reservoir. 2014

Central Park
Conservatory Water, 2014

It's all true, but that last bit especially- it is so very, deeply true. It is actually a tangible feeling; a presence. The city holds all of its history and all the people who have ever been here.  It is something I have consciously noticed and been aware of during my whole life here.

from 59th Street Bridge. 2015

Rockerfeller Center 2014

I have said it before, this city is the ultimate love-hate relationship. And sadly, it has gotten more and more generic over the years.  9/11 changed the city forever.  Gentrification is a problem.  There are a whole lot of other problems too. (The horses in Central Park are NOT a problem!!) However, NYC still contains all cultures, all languages, all frequencies of humanity. All different levels of life and lifestyle. It is a micro-cosm of the entire planet. 

from Central Park Reservoir, 

looking West 2014

From the top of the
Empire State Building, 2013

Grand Central Terminal

3 days ago

I remember when the ceiling was black, 

before they cleaned it up so nicely

My Work Neighbor,

who says hi to Carey

And if you are here, and if you drift around for a bit, whether it is down 5th Ave along Central Park, the cobblestone streets in SoHo, or along the Hudson on the West Side, anywhere really- you'll feel it too.

Lower Manhattan 

from Governor's Island, 2012

Statue of Liberty, 2003

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Card today: Slow and Steady (upright)

My interpretation: Keep moving forward, keep following the lights, patience, don't rush, coming out of a shell, things in their own time.  The mask in the card which is coming undone- new perspectives.

Booklet says: "Slow and steady wins the race"  Easy movement, unhurried steps, steady heart, take life at a leisurely pace.

I don't like to rush. Which is odd since I live in NYC which is a FAST city, and I do go fast a lot- I walk fast, my mind goes fast, I think 4 minutes is a long time to wait for the train......however- I like to consciously be in the moment of whatever I am doing.  I might be walking fast down the street, or over the bridge, but that's because it is comfortable. It is my natural pace.  Not because I am hurrying to the next thing.  I am fully present in the moment. It's a mental thing.  And I meditate a lot, which slows me down and balances the fast.

Happy Birthday Blog!

Today my little blog turns ten years old!

Let's celebrate with cake!  Leopard print, of course.  Inside and out.

Let us eat leopard cake

I'm actually pretty shocked that I stuck with it for ten weeks, let alone ten years.  But then again I have always been prone to journaling.

Just like how I find yoga, or a good long walk to be grounding and cleansing, blogging is also grounding and cleansing. It gets junk out of my head so I can forget about it until I read an old blog post.  I don't pretend it is important, or not self-centered, or useful to anyone else, or anything like that. Its purpose is to be my little corner of the internet and whatever that may contain.  All it really does is serve as a record for my thoughts and my life.

I sometimes think about why I want to record my life in some form, and all I can say is that in some way that I can't really define, it helps me.  I'm a no-one.  My life is nothing exceptional. I am just a regular normal girl (who paints) and I'm absolutely content with that. I don't want to be or pretend to be anything else.   Blogging keeps me in touch with myself,  It helps me sort myself out. 

Thank you to everyone who visits- that is really nice of you, especially when this is not a blog with an intention to serve a reader base in some way. I am deeply honored that you have come to visit my little corner of mind-ramblings.

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I took Daya to see Matilda last night. We had front row almost-center seats which I got for a fantastic price. This was her second Broadway play.  A couple of years ago she was in an after-school production of Annie (she was Pepper) and Annie was on Bway again at the same time, so we went.

Matilda was AWESOME. SUPERB.  AMAZING.  The whole production was just so well done. If you are in town, check it out.  

The stage floor.  

Lots of stuff came up from the floor.  

The staging was incredible.

 Daya on the stage steps

******

Card for today is Protecting Treasure (reversed)

My interpretation: holding on too tightly to worthless things, being stuck in a rut, valuing the wrong things, not seeing the true treasures around us

I honestly don't think this interpretation applies to me but that is how I see this card.  It does, however, apply- in my eyes- to someone who was once very close to me and who I have had a conflict with this (now yesterday) morning, which is very much on my mind right now.  It's that friend I lost who dumped everyone that I posted about last week.

Booklet says: "You are always protected and divinely directed"
Do you too easily give your loyalty to those who haven't earned it?  (Um,  YES)
Assess personal loyalties and determine whether they are being returned.

Um, wow.  That could not possibly be 

any more accurate for today.

Side Note 1:  I do prepare and schedule blog posts in advance, but I do not pull cards in advance. That would defeat the entire purpose. My blog is still one day behind my card-drawing.  When I draw a card I shuffle several times while asking 'What is my message for today?"
Side Note 2: I write my own thoughts and interpretation before looking at the booklet.
Side Note 3:  I haven't read the book that goes with the deck yet.  I really should do that.  But somehow, I kind of like the not-knowing-no-background-info-beforehand, if that makes any sense.

Notes to Self

Introducing Mutual Madness....

Carey and I have decided to post about the same topic/title simultaneously!  This should be fun.

My artist brain gets strange ideas in strange moments, and I have to keep a record of them somehow, because my child-and cat-addled brain is pretty much like a sieve.  I remember all the stuff I want to forget, and forget all the stuff I want to remember.  I routinely forget to remember things.  Most of the time, I don't worry about it, and truly- it doesn't seem to matter at all.

My brain is exactly like

this upside-down sieve

Here is a list of things I should/need to remember:
*Whether to go to work or not
*Paying bills on time
*Feeding cats/Daya
*Painting ideas
*Blog post ideas
*Where I live
*Scheduled appointments/events
*Peoples' birthdays
*What I wore yesterday
*Book recommendations
*Cool stuff to research later
*Art supplies that I need
*Things my friends like/don't like
*Library book due dates

Here is a list of things I do not need to remember
*What day it is
*How old I am
.......
*I already forgot what else

As you can see, the list of things I need to remember is considerably longer.  This is why I always, constantly, without fail, make notes to myself.

There are five (5) ways I generally do this:
1. My sketchbook
2. The Notes app in my phone
3. I will occasionally make a note on a sticky note but only at work.  And those notes, if important, get transferred to the notes on my phone
4. I take a picture
5. This blog

Before phones with apps I used a palm pilot (remember those?) and sticky notes.  And of course sketchbooks.

The good thing about always being note-ready is that it opens up creativity.  I am always open to inspiration. Whether it shows up or not is a different matter.  But the point is, I pay attention to it.

Paying attention to your creativity and allowing it is the best way to actually be a creative person.

Ok, you have now read my post on Notes to Self (THANK YOU for visiting and reading, I love you!!!! It is amazing to me that people actually read my tiny stupid blog) now go read Carey's.

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Card today is Moonlight (upright)

My interpretation: Beauty and wisdom in the night (owl), in the cycles and phases of the moon which are also the cycles and phases of life (that hourglass). Light in the dark which illuminates.

Booklet says: "Your intuition allows you to see beyond the mundane, logical, and analytical.  Follow it."
Booklet talks about trusting yourself and your intuition. Symbolic language.  Spirit is sending messages to help.  Follow the signs.

I do that.

Watching Paint Dry and A Great Dating Tip

There are people in this world who actually like watching paint dry, and talking about it too.

I am one of those people.  Doesn't that make me sound FUN?

I think this would be a great conversation topic for a first date.  ***
It might go something like this:

Him:  So, what do you like to do in your spare time?
Me: Well, I like adding somethings and nothings into different oil paints and seeing how long it takes for the paint to dry.  And then I talk to other people about it. 
Him:  ......

Yeah, I'm FUN.

*** You may feel free to use this conversation when out on a date with someone you don't want to see again.  Ever again.

In my studio, my typical artist grade paints take anywhere from 3-5 days to dry.  That's the Gamblins, WNs, M. Grahams, etc.  Earth colors might be dry in a day or two.  Vasaris and Williamsburgs can take up to 2 weeks to touch-dry.

Gamblin's solvent-free gel takes a day or 2.
Galkyd takes one to two days.  Metallics a little longer.
Neo-Megilp- 1-2 days
Liquin takes 24 hours-ish.
Copal (real copal) tacks up while I am painting.
M. Graham Walnut alkyd takes 2-3-4 days depending on paint thickness and pigment.

Drying times are affected by paint thickness, the oil in the paint, the medium used, the climate, and the quality of frustration in your thoughts towards your painting.  What it really comes down to, regardless of additives and whatnot, is that if you want the paint to dry it will not.  If you do not want the paint to dry it will.

Now you know.

Cats always know when a painting is wet.
You will know if your painting is dry if your cats completely ignore it.

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Card today: Ghostlands (reversed)
This is a pretty and cool card and I like it a lot.  Especially the icy ghost-flowers.

My Interpretation: Frozen time, living in one's head, living in unreality, seeking wisdom from Beyond

Booklet says:  "You can learn from the past and imagine a beautiful future, but you must live in the here-and-now"  Reversed meaning talks about wandering in an emotional or intellectual place with no real substance. Live one day at a time.  Stay away from the Ghostlands of past and future.

Dear Tourists

Dear Tourists,
You have all been doing something very annoying lately.  You have been walking verrrrry slowly around Times Square with your phones on top of selfie sticks.

As much as I genuinely want you to enjoy this wonderful city, please understand THAT YOU ARE SLOWING DOWN TRAFFIC IN A MAJOR OBNOXIOUS WAY AND YOUR PHONE ON THE SELFIE STICK LOOKS FUCKING STUPID. 

I was perplexed about this new trend of selfie sticks in Times Square that has popped up.  Because I really can't imagine that so many people would actually own one of the things.

Oh, but Friday I found the source:  I had to wait almost 10 minutes (seriously) to take this picture because the tourist couple looking at them took that long to decide which one to get.

 Yeah, WALGREENS.  Way to go.

TIP TO TOURISTS: Do not buy sushi from Walgreens.  Just.... NO.

NO.  VERY VERY WRONG

Love and hugs and sparkly unicorn hearts and kisses and
GET OUT OF THE WAY!!!,
J

PS I'm almost never this grumpy.

*****
Oh WAIT-- it is Mother's Day.  Was I supposed to post something for Mother's Day? Or thoughts about motherhood?  And I posted Walgreens sushi instead?

Every day is mothers day because I am a mom every single day.  There ya go.

Have a happy one!

*****
Card today Come Together (reversed)
Well, that's crappy.  :(

My interpretation: separation, broken partnership, end of love, no love, nothing lasts forever

Booklet says: "Love needs to be shared." Reversed:  unbalanced love connection, withheld intimacy, lack, emotional depletion, pouring water into empty wells,

Well, it's also somewhat encouraging...it also says "What is truly for you will never walk past you or require this much energy."  "True love will always find its reflection in another."

ok.

Two Paintings

I am supposed to do three paintings a week as part of my May goals.  So here are two paintings.  I have a third but it needs a final layer and it is still too wet.  One I did most of at the end of April but that is still ok.  This is not about being hard on myself.  It is about keeping myself moving, which can be difficult.

The other thing these paintings are not about is technique.  These are not intended to be technical paintings. They are conceptual sketch-paintings.  The way a poem is not an essay.

Good painting, just like any other form of expression and communication, requires vocabulary. Technique is vocabulary.  Composition, color, perspective, form, anatomy, DRAWING, brushwork, materials- these are all vocabulary. All essential things which require constant practice and grow as cumulative skills.  Ideally, it is good to combine excellent vocabulary with something interesting to say.  One fails without the other.  Even for abstract painters this is (should be) true.

But sometimes it is nice to let go and just simply speak with colors and let technique be there in the background. Play. No pressure. So here are two paintings.

5x7 oil on canvas panel

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Card today Gentle Gardener (upright)
I feel like such crap and I keep getting these nice upright cards.  Every morning when I draw a card I am always expecting some sort of ...well, something challenging.  Or just plain crappy.  Because that is possible with this deck, and I like that because it is balanced.  If something is wrong I want to know about it.

My interpretation: This is a peaceful scene.A restful, sunny, awakening scene with wise benevolent presence watching.  Caring.  That's nice, especially because that's not the way I feel today.

Booklet says: "Be your own person.   Be a conscious co-creator."  Booklet talks about our thoughts, beliefs, etc creating our experience. Divine integrity behind my intentions.  "Stay positive and expect a wondrous return."

Ok.

Deflated

I got dumped by a friend- a long-term close friend- and it was because of nothing I said or did.  She dumped everyone in our little group.  The conflict was between her and someone else.  I explained that to her. The person who had the conflict told her it was just between the two of them. But I still got dumped. I truly do not feel I deserved to get dumped because she had a conflict with another friend.

Through many years, I have been a very good friend to this person. I don't think that matters to her though. This stings quite a lot.  Not even halfway through the year, and I have already lost two very significant friendships.  And there was nothing I could have done/said/done differently in either case.

I keep losing important person after important person.  I have been so sad about these continual losses, one after another, year after year, that I can't even feel sad anymore.  To be honest, I'm glad I can't feel it anymore, because that's better than the hurt.

How is there NOT a pattern here?  I don't get it.  On some level that I truly don't know, it must be a fault of mine somehow.  Otherwise why would it keep happening?

Last night I had horrible dreams about it.

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Card for the day Metamorphosis (upright)
Lisa must have put some magic into all my cards being upright.  I have run out of magic myself, so I really appreciate that.

My Interpretation:  Metamorphosis is of course the change from a caterpillar into a butterfly. I guess moths do it too.  In so many ways, I feel like a butterfly and a caterpillar at the same time.  It depends on the aspect of my life.

There are ways in which I deeply want to grow and experience life, but though I look for and am open to opportunity, nothing ever happens. There are ways in which I feel completely encased in a chrysalis.  I want to come out, I am trying to get out, and the damn thing just won't open.  I must be missing something big, some kind of no-brainer.

2+5=7 I already posted about 7.  I don't know if I care about the numbers anymore. Whatever.

Booklet says: "You are in the process of deep and beautiful change."  Booklet goes on to talk about transformation involving losses. Letting go.

Yeah.

More Spring Thoughts

Well, Spring is the season of birth and new life etc, but I think Spring just sucks the life out of some of us. It does to me.

Everyone has the Heavies.  At least in the chat thread on the painting forum. So we are being miserable together.  Sometimes it is good to give misery some air and space, as long as we don't stay there or inflict it upon others. Acknowledgement. Balance.

Well, we just have to keep moving.  Doesn't matter how fast or slow, and stopping for naps is always a good idea.  I'm reading a pretty depressing book right now, although it is truly excellent.  Beautifully written, and I got it for free as part of an Amazon Prime new release for free thingy.  Free is always good.

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Card: Heal the "Ouch" (upright)

My interpretation: My first impression of this card is that it is a little too childish and cutesy for my taste. But maybe that quality of the card has to do with our inner children.  Or old pains that stem from childhood. Raccoon and fox are an unlikely pair, perhaps there is comfort in unexpected places.  I can't tell if the raccoon is holding a little flower or a little hammer.  Either could probably be appropriate.

3+8=11  11= 1+1=2, so this card is a 2 and an 11 
My birthday numerology also makes me both a 2 and an 11

2 The all-knowing

Positive Characteristics: Sensitive, tactful, diplomatic and cooperative. The 2s tend to be peacemakers and are loving, studious and patient. A 2 may express many musical or feminine qualities and also tends to be sensual and intuitive

11 The most intuitive

Positive Characteristics: A Master number, the 11 is the most intuitive of all numbers. It is instinctual, charismatic, dynamic and capable when its sights are set on a concrete goal. The 11 is the number associated with faith and psychics.

Booklet says: "Forgiveness is the healer of the soul"
It goes on to talk about healing being prevalent now, and old wounds in particular.  "Let bygones be bygones".

This is oddly and unexpectedly relevant right now.  Hmmm.  And I had the worst dream last night about being trapped away from home with family members.  I was so glad to wake up, to get away from them. So, there are things on my mind from that dream, then I get this card today...

Fan Confession

I have a list of thoughts and one confession concerning fans.  As in fan brushes.

2 of these fans are from pastel color shaper sets

Thoughts:
1. They are hands-down the coolest looking brushes ever.
2. They are SUPERCUTE.
3. The first time I ever saw a fan brush, I was in 5th grade and it was at a tag sale. It had white bristles. Unfortunately, the brush did not become mine. But I wanted to adopt it.
4. I got my first fan brush after college.  Yes, it took that long.

It's SO CUTE!!!

Confession:
I have no idea how to properly use a fan brush.

Completely serious.  Not for lack of trying.  I do have two (2) fans as part of my pastel color shaper sets- and they make more sense with pastels than oils.  I have asked and spoken to other artists.  But whatever magic the fans posses for some artists, who love them, they have never revealed that magic to me.

People use them to blend.  And do other things. I, too, have tried using them to blend and do other things. I just get streaks no matter how light a touch I use.

And once they get wet- with water or solvent- forget it.  Even if I wipe them on my oily rag. The bristles stick together in clumps.  And I am back to blending with brights.

So as much as I love fans, they just don't love me back.  Except when I use them with pastels.

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Ultramarine Green Update
It is officially extinct.  Kremer doesn't have any more PG24, and Rembrandt switched over to a mix, which I am not interested in getting, even for comparison purposes.  I don't want fake ultramarine green.

Now A Relic of Antiquity

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Card: Wizard of Awareness (upright)

My interpretation: He is old and pensive.  I usually feel like I am about three thousand years old, and I am also pensive.  Too pensive, sometimes.  He is concentrating, he has that look of Deep Thinking, perhaps trying to figure something out.  He is not looking directly at the viewer.  I also do that when I am thinking about something or "looking" into something beneath the surface.

Booklet says:  "Your soul knows; be still and observe."  It talks about mindfulness both within and without.
The booklet also says something I quite like:  "Wearing the world as a loose garment requires you to adopt a sense that nothing that happens to you is personal."

That is true.  I get mad, sad, frustrated, and irritated, but I rarely take things personally.  Mostly what people do is about them, not about me.

"You wouldn't worry so much of what others think of you

if you realized how seldom they do."

-Eleanor Roosevelt

Ultramarine

Ultramarine blue used to be the most expensive pigment on planet earth, made of lapis lazuli. Painters had to grind and purifty the lapis themselves, and each batch made different grades, the first being the best. Traditionally it was reserved for the Virgin Mary.  Wealthy patrons would show off by how much blue was in their commissioned paintings.  Afghanistan was the primary source for the stone.

Nowadays ultramarine is synthetically made and very inexpensive.  Synthetic ultramarine is more intense than lapis.  I do not have a tube of genuine ultramarine, though it can be had- but astoundingly, as of right now, I don't want it.

A very nice piece of Lapis Lazuli

I got two (2) new ultramarine colors, which prompted me to pull out all of my ultramarines and make a chart. My new additions are the Sennelier Ultramarine Rose (PR259) and the Williamsburg Ultramarine Pink (PV15).

I thought I had a Williamsburg 

and maybe I did at some point 

but I don't now

As it turns out, I have some duplicates...... oh well, whatever, I don't care.  I can and will always use ultramarine.

Here is a chart of my ultramarines- they are all single pigment colors straight from the tube and mixed with titanium. I used Gamblin's solvent free gel for the transparent swatches.  All the ultramarines are somewhat transparent.  Very pretty.

Vasari and Williamsburg have Ultramarine Violets (PV15) which look like the Rembrandt's U. Violet.  WB PV15 and Rembrandt PV15 are both very different!!  I have not seen another PV15 like the Ultramarine Pink.

I painted this little canvas a while ago 

with ultramarine green, 

to show the transparency

in three layers.

It dries kinda matte so needs a gloss varnish.

It has way more depth with gloss.

The ultramarine green is made by Rembrandt (Royal Talens), and according to the pigment database no one else makes it, at least for oil. Kremer Pigments has it dry.  Here is what Blick says about it:

The name for this pigment comes from the Middle Latin ultra, meaning beyond, and mare, meaning sea, because it was imported from Asia to Europe by sea. It was introduced in Germany in 1828, but it never became popular. However, it was manufactured until 1960. It can still be found through pigment specialists or as part of low-cost oil colors or watercolors.

So, while it is by no means an essential (or even non-essential) part of anyone's palette, and it is unpopular, and old, and very weak tinting, and only one paint maker even bothers with it, and it is cheap, and easily duplicated with prettier pthalos or cobalts, and the pigment hasn't been made for more than 50 years because no one cares about it--- me myself personally, I LOVE IT. I have yet to use it in a painting but that is beside the point.

It's pretty cool to know, actually, that the pigment in my paint is at least 55 years old! And that's if it was made in its last year of manufacturing!

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CANADA BALSAM UPDATE: I found it.

I once was lost, but now I'm found

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Card today is Spark (upright)

My interpretation: Creative endeavours are an act of love from within to without.The flowing of Divine inspiration.  It is an act of giving and beauty.  The figure is in a wild, natural place, and as an added bonus she has green hair which I like very much. She holds the instrument- it plays yet she herself is not playing it.  She is a channel.

3+4=7 numerology 
Positive Characteristics: 7 isn't just a lucky number. It's also spiritual, intelligent, analytical, focused, introspective, studious, intuitive, knowledgeable, contemplative, serious, persevering, refined, gracious and displays much inner wisdom.

The booklet says 
"You are a clear channel for divine creativity"
Pretty much everything I said in my own interpretation, a good time to give birth to an idea.

Double Pinky Promise

Daya is starting the pre-tween stuff.  Just starting.  This is new and scary for both of us.  Saturday night we had a big fight, but all is well now.  She is growing and changing, and so I need to adjust as a parent. There are things that not-pre-tween kids don't care about that pre-tween kids care very much about.

It is awkward and clunky for both of us.  We do have a very good, open and solid relationship, so I know that everything will be ok, but there will be moments.

Sunday morning I sat with Daya and we talked a little more.  We made a double-pinky-promise vow to each other to have patience and compassion for each other during hard moments.  And we can also remind each other to be patient and compassionate.

Sulky-fits and fresh mouth aside, Daya really has an amazing heart.  She is a great kid.  She is trustworthy, responsible, and mature- but she is still a cute little kid in all the right ways.  She considers others besides herself.  She is very loving and hard working.  I am proud of her.

This teen stuff scares me, and it scares her too.  So we really will need all the patience and compassion for each other as possible.

*****
Dry Desert (upright)

3+1=4, 4 is stability kind of number.  Which sucks and is good at the same time. I already linked to the number 4 in earlier posts.

My interpretation: For years, for many years, I have consciously felt like I have been walking through a desert. I have used this analogy in my thoughts many times.  It has been stable and dry.  And a bit brutal, to be honest.  And seemingly never-ending.  I am still in this desert, and it does still seem never-ending but I have hope that it will end at some point.  I have found oases (oiasises?)- some have dried up and some have appeared.  Some have been mirages.

Sometimes I think everything I perceive, everything I have hope and faith in, everything I believe in, is nothing more than a mirage.  Sometimes I think I am a mirage.

Again, though the figure is seemingly alone, she has company in the overhead bird and the distant cacti.  So although she may seem alone, and feel like it, there is company of sorts.

This is a colorful image though, and there is beauty in the colorful desert. That applies to my desert journey as well.

The booklet talks about resilience and digging deep for inspiration.  It talks about .opportunities that yield nothing.

That hits home for sure.  Spot on.

But I am most definitely resilient, no question.  The desert has definitely done that to me.

Resistance Was Futile

I went to Sephora to see if the new Urban Decay shadows were in store yet- they are not- and I found this new Too Faced palette.

It was love at first sight.  We were meant to be.  This meant-to-be status was confirmed when I swatched all the colors.  I have two (2) Too Faced eyeshadow singles from a couple of years ago, and I really love them.  Too Faced makes good products.  The case is supercute and little and closes magnetically.  The shadows are excellent quality. They sparkle. The reviews are all excellent.

 Soooo Pretty

Supercute case!!

You know I have to rock that turquoise

(Macaron, Blackberry, Blue Raspberry, Peach Fuzz, Rock Candy)

With some UD 24/7 pencils

It's a great little palette, very versatile, travel-friendly, great for Spring.

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Card of the day:
Talisman (upright)

What a great image

My Interpretation: Wow, I love this card immediately, The figure is partially on the (interesting-looking) path, partly off it but she remains supported.  One foot in two worlds, so to speak- the physical and spiritual. There are a lot of symbols here- the dragon (good fortune), the yin yang (balance) and various other symbols which are both on her (part of her) and around her.  This is a wonderfully mystical card and I love it.  And it is green.  I love green.

4+9=13=1+3=4 numerology
The salt of the earth

Positive Characteristics: 4s are disciplined, strong, stable, pragmatic, down-to-earth, reliable, dependable, hard-working, extracting, precise, methodical, conscientious, frugal, devoted, patriotic and trustworthy!

The booklet says: "A lesson truly learned is crystallized as earned wisdom.  You have all you need for the success you seek."  The rest goes on to talk about having learned lessons and being able to proceed forward with that knowledge and avoid pitfalls and mistakes.

I have to agree on this one, actually.  I have learned a lot of lessons, the hard way for the most part, but I have very consciously taken the lessons from all of it.

*** Note from yesterday's card: I did quite a bit of straightening up.  Still more to do but I found my missing color shapers so I am very, very happy!  (they were in my 11x14 pochade box)

The Emergency Brake

All the subway cars have an emergency brake with instructions on when to use it.
Basically, never.

This is what the brake looks like:

I agree that it looks tempting.  But resist.

 It comes with illustrated instructions.

Do not pull the brake.

Basically, don't ever pull the emergency brake.  Of course people do anyhow, with regular frequency.  All it does is stop the train and all trains behind it for about a half hour.  It makes everyone really, really mad. Most especially during rush hour.  Even worse if it is anytime Monday, Friday evening, or if it is raining.

This is what needs to be posted 

right under the emergency brake.

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Card for the day:

Home (reversed)

My interpretation: This is a fun card. Lots of hidden things everywhere, a bit overgrown, just like my apartment! Seriously, my apartment has been very neglected lately because i have been doing other things. And I'm not really happy about it. Well, actually, it bothers me intensely but I live in a state of denial.  So I do need to take care of things.  I run out of time (see that clock?) and energy.

27=2+7=9 numerology
The qualities of the number 9 are those of leadership, the ability to see clearly, integration, the three worlds – physical, intellectual, spiritual, last symbol before return to unity, ability to understand, inborn talents, compulsions, introspection, personal integrity, unity, truth, perfection, concord, dissolves ego attachments, challenges faced in looking for your own wisdom.

Well, yes it is true that my home is and has always been a very weak spot for me, so this card reversed makes a lot of sense.

First line of the booklet says "If you don't feel at home, it's time to do a thorough and fearless inventory." Yes, I need to inventory.  And get rid of stuff.  I actually am very good at purging and getting rid of stuff, and I love doing it, but I need to do it much more often.

I guess I have a little task from this card.  It does make perfect sense.

May!

It's May!  This is a busy month- full of dance recital mayhem.

For my card meditation I could either be a day ahead, or my blog could be a day behind.  I chose to be a day ahead.  But yesterday it was already tomorrow in Australia so it makes no difference. This year, since it turned out that I'm posting daily (this is a challenge!!), and since I have kept up so far I HAVE to keep it going- I like to have my next-day post done and scheduled (at least) the day before. That's why my new posts are all posting at 3am.  And why I am a day ahead with drawing cards so my blog can be on time.

I haven't read the booklet that comes with the cards, and I'm not very far into the full book to which the card set is an accompaniment.  That's ok though, maybe even better as my initial thoughts are not influenced.

Ride the Wave (upright)

My interpretation: So, immediately this makes me think of high tide and low tide, and having to move through life no matter what wave we are riding. Sometimes we can make our own waves, sometimes we are trying to breathe while staying afloat through waves others have generated.  Of course it is water, which is my main element- water being emotion, water being the Tao.  There are two dolphins- a reminder that no matter how alone we may feel, we are really never alone.  Even when it really does feel and seem like it. So I will really try and keep that in mind.

There is a mermaid-faerie-being-thing riding one of the dolphins. This could symbolize me, but it can also symbolize someone I am carrying, a dependent- Daya.

14= 1+4= 5, numerology:
Said to be the prevailing number in nature and art, 5 symbolizes Fire and the Stigmata. Multi-talented and with many interests, 5’s are attractive, independent, free-thinking, fast moving, and potentially foot-loose.

Hey, that's cool, May is also the 5th month in the year!

The booklet says this card (upright) has to do with success and positive events carrying you forward.

This is, I think, a very nice card to start May with.