topiary cats

topiary cats

Sunday, March 15, 2015

It's Not Personal

I almost never take things personally.  Almost always, peoples' negative or nasty behavior is all about them. Sometimes I happen to be in the way.  Which is unpleasant, but it's really not about me.

Not taking things personally doesn't mean I don't get upset- I might- but I don't internalize it as a direct attack against me as a person.  Things people do and say tell me about who they are as a person, which really has nothing at all to do with me.

Even directly awful things spoken to or about me are just people showing their own ugliness.  For example:

Ugly #1
When a relative of mine heard I was marrying a black man, her response was "I hope she is infertile!"

Her ugliness has nothing to do with me, even though it was directed at me.
How ironic that when she saw my daughter she said how beautiful she was.

Ugly #2
When my ex dropped the bomb on me, it hit me hard and I wasn't doing so well. A friend (at the time) told me to come over.  Her husband said to me, "No man will ever want you now.  You are used goods."

Wow, what an asshole.  I actually did believe this for a long time.  It was how I really felt.  A lot of that was because a man who (I thought) was my friend said it to me, at a time when I was extremely vulnerable.  It stuck with me for a long time. Eventually I got over it. It was my deliberate choice to get over it and call it the bullshit it is.

But again, this is an example of someone just showing their true character.

It is true that our words have great power- power to hurt, power to heal.  But it isn't one-sided, meaning there is both action and reaction.  We each have the choice on what we hold on to.  We can accept the energy of positive words or reject it.  We can hold on to hurtful words or let them go.  And not taking things personally really aids in doing that.

But it is still a very important thing to choose our words (and thoughts) carefully, as they can and do have a profound effect.  I read once that it takes seven positive reinforcements to un-do one negative reinforcement.

I like this blog post about the power of words.


  1. I hope you have let go of all that ugliness. So many people don't think before they speak. You are a beautiful thoughtful strong young lady. So much living to do. I hope you can enjoy life despite all the ugly that swirls around. There is so much more beauty...

  2. Ugg.

    Such good points you have made. <3

    It's wonderful that you have realized this.

    I still wouldn't mind smacking some people, but...they get what they deserve one way or another.

  3. I take things to heart so easily, I need to adopt your excellent attitude - great post!


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