topiary cats

topiary cats

Wednesday, January 28, 2015

Not Boxed In

I was out with my friends recently and they were discussing something they want to do for someone's birthday that I have absolutely no interest in whatsoever.

They want to go to a (female) strip club.  While I have nothing against it, and don't think there is anything weird or wrong or whatever with it, it's just simply not my thing.  Not my idea of fun.  It doesn't resonate with me. At all.  I don't even want to go to a male strip club.  (Now if you say figure drawing......I'm so there....)  Frankly, I think it's a gross environment.  I'm not interested in seeing people flaunt their bits around for money.  And I have better things to spend my money on.  I also don't think I should have to justify or defend the fact that I am not interested.

My friend asked me in a challenging way if I would consider "coming out of my box" to celebrate with my friends.  My answer:  it depends.

But here's the thing which- I'm not sure "bothered" is the right word, it is too strong- I really disagree with-

I am not in a box.  

My friend might disagree with me, but that would tell me she doesn't really understand me.  And that is ok.  I don't expect everyone to always understand me.  I didn't get into it with her, it's just not worth it.  I have to let it go.  I guess what bothers me is feeling judged and misunderstood simply for being different.

I love new experiences, going new places, trying new things, I will take risks, I love adventure, and I am an extremely open-minded person.  Whatever floats your boat- as long as it is not causing harm to you or others- I'm totally fine with it.

I know myself really, REALLY well. And I am always looking to expand as a person.  But people are different- and just because I am different from my friends in this regard does not mean I am uptight, or repressed, or a prude, or in a box.   I am none of those things. Different things appeal to different people and I'm just really not into it.  If they are that's fine.  It should be fine with them that I just simply am not into it.  I'm not into clubbing (have been, several times, don't like it)- why is it that they don't judge me for that, but if I don't want to go to a strip club I'm "in a box"?

Not only did I spend all of college staring at and drawing naked people, but I also modeled for fellow artists.
Nudity does not bother me.

So I don't want to be judged as being in a box just because I am different.  I don't have to like what they like, they don't have to like what I like.  I don't judge them for it, and I wish they wouldn't judge me.

If they go, I'm going to pass. Even for a birthday.  Not because I am in a box, but because I know myself, and I respect myself enough to honor my choices no matter what my closest and dearest people might think about it.  It is ok for me to be different and I will honor that.  I hope they have fun, even if they are thinking less of me.

Don't judge me just because I am different

There is a LOT about me that my closest friends do not know about, nor will they ever understand.  And that is OK.  There are things that are important to me, things I focus on, things I am actively developing that are simply not a part of their spheres.  They think something is wrong with me if I am too quiet.  They don't understand that most of the time I am very quiet, and I require a lot of silence and solitude.  They do not need these things, they do not relate, and that is ok. There are things in their worlds they like and enjoy, which I do not relate to, that are not part of my sphere.  It's ok.  I'm not judging them, and I wish they would not judge me.

2 comments:

  1. I agree with you and back you up 100%.

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  2. I would have never left my children with anyone else to do so worthless an activity. I feel my child or children deserve me more than going to do that, and I, quite frankly would prefer to hang out with my child. There us no love, no warmth, no nothin in that activity compared to the little child in your home who would also rather be with you than anyone else! My parents taught me to go for quality, not low, cheap, worthless stuff.

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