topiary cats

topiary cats

Monday, May 08, 2017


It is true that I haven't been blogging as much lately and I'm also not productive at the easel. Not lately.

Carey has been in a long moving process so our weekly FLIPs have been paused, and will hopefully resume soon.  I am planning to go out painting after work tomorrow.

Throughout this whole year I am noticing a gradual shift, some of it natural and some of it unwanted.  I will be 40 this year and I feel a transition happening. This is a natural part of life.  What I don't like is my over-sensitivity to anxiety which seems to be a new thing.

Unwanted noise in my home is my kryptonite.
It really, really throws me off, even anticipation of it.
Even when all is well..... that's a bit crazy isn't it. Silly, even.

I am starting to become concerned more than I ever have been about the years to come- basic stuff, like living situation.  There is no problem with where I am now.  Actually, it is a very good situation. But I worry about long-term maintenance. And worry is a huge misuse of imagination.

The thing about all of this is that I need to re-align to all the things I have learned up to this point in my life.  All of it is just fear.

Why is it, even armed with awareness and the knowledge of how to connect, that it is difficult to stay connected to a place of Source? With the knowing that everything is being handled?

Caroline Myss said that one of the universal experiences of growing spiritually is having gone through time alone, sometimes a lot of it. I have written about that before- but I still have thoughts around it that I need to change when I feel sad. So instead of thoughts around having been alone, I am thinking instead "I have not been alone; I have just spent a lot more time with god,' which is true.

I am not sad that my mother isn't in my life,
No one knows where my sister is, as far as I am aware no one has heard from her for years and I am at peace with that, too.

But I do get sad about my father sometimes.
The situation won't change so I need to rearrange myself to be in peace.
The truth is that I have managed just fine without his presence or assistance.
I do not actually need it.
Would it have been nice to have that relationship, assuming it is a positive one? Yes.  However, he is his own father. I have to release it in peace.

What I want to say about this is that it is a process and a practice. A practice that needs to be- well, practiced.

Living in a state of anxiety is not living in god-realized consciousness.
It shouldn't be challenging but it is, which means I need to practice.

I AM THAT I AM is the greatest spiritual truth/secret/teaching.
It is the most powerful thing in existence.
Conscious alignment requires constant diligence and daily practice.

I might need to implement a morning and evening practice, because I need to maintain conscious alignment.

I need to remember that I have been on this Path consciously from the start- since I was a small child. I need to remember that I have always been taken care of.
Perhaps somewhat unconventionally, but it is true.
Two people have told me on two separate unconnected occasions that I have divine protection- which is good because I have needed it.
I need to release the how and just know all is and will be well.

I need to remember that because I have been walking a Path of conscious alignment for my whole life, this will continue and the way will unfold in a positive benevolent way.

It is practice.


  1. You have a beautiful blog. I came here via WetCanvas (I'm new to painting) and ended up finding out there are others that have spent lots of time with god as well.

    So far I've only read two entries, but they included painting, day-to-day spiritual discoveries, and Caroline Myss. Wonderful!


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