This week has been horrendous and brutal and I am still messed up.
Daya also had a horrible week.
Aside from the whole (ex) friend thing, I have had zero money- I mean stupid-broke. I got paid yesterday so it was just a matter of scrounging through the week. Daya has had a bad week as I mentioned, but is also expressing unhappiness at things I can't really change no matter what. She is taking it out on hating her room. It is so defeating because no matter what I do she is unhappy. That includes spending time together.
I saw Rob for a very short time on Tuesday evening. We haven't really spoken since. He was cast for the tv show Discovery ID and has been in NJ on location for the past couple of days. He did call me yesterday from the set but the reception was terrible. We haven't ever gone this long without talking. And it really is ok and I don't mind at all, this is a cool thing he is doing.
Girls we all know Aunt Flo loves a good shitty week too.
I remain stressed about work.
My left shoulder is still hurting.
There is a child living upstairs running around constantly. I will write the landlord; something really weird is going on upstairs. I think either shift- living or the tenant is using that apartment for people coming here illegally.
The stuff with **, while not life- changing at all, is triggering for many reasons that I just have to deal with. And I know what those reasons are and there is no fixing them. Ever. There is just managing bad episodes and coping.
Here is a link about effects on children of depressed mothers, including post-partum depression.
Here is a link about how the early relationships in childhood impact relationships (or lack thereof) through adult life.
I am writing this post from the Gold room at Integral Yoga Institute.
Since I am so messed up I need to get out and to a place of good energy.
Because I am slow this morning I thought about staying home.
I thought, I will make it if the express trains are running local. And they are!
I thought maybe I should not go into Manhattan today because of protests but then realized how silly that is. So I am here.
Though I did not make the 10:15 class, I saw there is a Yin Yoga class at 11:15 so that is what I am waiting for. I am glad to be early because it is peaceful here and the space is what I need.
There is a nice garden out the window.