It is dark and rainy today.
I am not feeling well, am fighting off a minor 24-hour cold.
Yesterday I slept all day and all night and I'm definitely on the mend but my energy is very low.
Layoffs are happening at work which is always super scary.
Three of my friends are gone, one on my team and it's hard to not feel down and worried about it. Layoffs really scare me.
Nothing seems stable.
I know that the days go on, we have to make the best of things and just carry on with positive intent but it does seem to me that things are getting harder and harder as the years go by. There is so much social unrest and it is magnified by the election outcome, and also being here in NYC.
The cost of living outpaces salaries.
Everyone is throwing so much hate around.
It seems like everything is stacked against us.
I don't like to get involved in this stuff as it is all dangerous insanity but I still have to walk through the environment where everyone is caught in extreme madness.
I don't have the motivation to paint and that's frustrating too.
Maybe I'll feel better when I get my energy back.....it's days like today that I am in touch with how much long-term stress I am carrying, and it is from factors I cannot change. Absence of core relationships, raising a child alone...I can't change these things; I can only shoulder them because I have no choice. I can only try and keep up with emptying out the constant filling of stress.