I was asked recently, "Why the knife?"
For as long as I have maintained an altar (since college) I have always had a knife of some kind on there. Not including a blade would be incomplete.
The blade on there is an outdoor survival knife, and I got it just a few months ago.
Adding this knife felt very appropriate.
It isn't a fancy or expensive knife, but it is extremely useful for outdoor survival, and it is also extremely sharp and durable.
I have done a whole lot of surviving, and having to figure out how to survive, throughout my entire life. Aside from painting, it is pretty much the main thing I have been doing. A whole lot of surviving. Childhood survival is different from adult survival.
Life has just unfolded like that. I haven't had the luxuries of options and support that so many assume and take for granted.
On the other hand, being dropped in the metaphorical woods of life alone has been as much of a source of freedom as it has been a restriction.
In that way, my (relatively) new survival knife is a good symbol of how I am relating to myself.
I am very good at surviving.
But I'm still not sure it is worth it.