topiary cats

topiary cats

Saturday, February 27, 2016

BS Detector

The best parenting advice I ever got came from a former boss named Barry Kruse.

He told me that when kids act up, it is either because they really need something, or because they are just being little assholes.

It is so, so true.

Sometimes I actually feel sorry for Daya, because she has a mother who has insanely good BS radar.

This past Thursday night:
On the train home, Daya asked me if I got paid this week.  (No.)  She then INFORMED* me that she needs new jazz shoes. They are "ONLY" $35.

*INFORMED.  Not asking nicely.

"ONLY" $35.  I see.
I inquired as to why she needed new jazz shoes.

The answer: the current (Capezio brand) shoes look ever-so-slightly different from the shoes most of the other dance team girls have.  Oh, and her shoes "aren't slippery enough on the bottom".


Not slippery enough on the bottom.

I called immediate BS since Daya has been wearing her current jazz shoes since September and this is the first I am hearing about "slippery" problems.

Yeah, she had to do better than that to convince me and I told her so.

Daya was so angry with me for not believing her.  She even went to bed angry.
Well, we are both Scorpios and I am just as stubborn as she is.

I don't care.  She can be as mad as she wants. I truly do not care when she is mad at me.** Whatever. I dump *so much money* into her dancing, and time, and energy in supporting her.  There is NO FREAKING WAY I am falling for a BS story like that.

***It is especially important to allow girls the space to be angry and learn to deal with/cope/express it. Girls expressing anger is generally unacceptable in society, and too often we learn to repress it. If you are a girl, and when you get really angry you cry uncontrollably (like me), this is the reason. It is more acceptable for girls to cry, and this unfortunately becomes our "programming" for expression.

It was a long day for her and I know she was tired, which compounded things.
In general, Daya is absolutely amazing and awesome.
She does regularly say thank you to me.
She really is a great kid. So, I don't take the BS too seriously at all.
Friday morning she wanted to forget about the whole thing.

Oh, but I was so NOT impressed that I asked one of Daya's teachers to resolve this little dispute.
(I always defer to them because I am a painter, not a dancer.)

Of course she does not need new jazz shoes.
But I would prefer to call her out on this BS to hopefully prevent some future BS.  Well, as much as possible. She's a kid, it really is ok. But I wanted to make a point.

Anyhow, I told Daya that if she had said, "Mom, my jazz shoes smell really funky; I need new ones!" I would have taken that more seriously.

Really, her jazz shoes do smell very funky.

However, funky shoe-smell is very easily cured by an overnight soak in some clean kitty litter, which I always have on-hand.

you do NOT know
funky shoes
unless you have
a dancer child

Daya ssked me, "What would you do to de-stink my shoes if we didn't have cats?"
I told her, "I would buy kitty litter just for this purpose."
She said, "40 lbs??"
I said, "No, not that much."


  1. I'm with you Jessica, I say no all the time, unfortunately Valentina's father gives into her which does her no favors. I personally believe children that get whatever they want only want more and feel entitled. I will always say no when it's BS too...♡

  2. You are a great mom. Interesting about the kitty litter. Didn't know that. :)

  3. I have gone through this with my kids and their sports equipment. So and so always had the most expensive, greatest etc. They learned early I don't go for that line of thinking. Shine with your talent was/is my advise. They have to try. :)

  4. That made me laugh for the day!


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