It is Friday night.
The piano has filled my living room. I have, however, prepared.
My neighbors got blasted.
Guns N Roses
They banged on the wall.
Oh sooooo scaaaary.
I am not continually blasting them, just when I hear the piano. Then if they stop, I stop.
They continue, I continue.
It took several songs, but as of right now they have stopped and not restarted.
Hey, thanks Robben Ford!
This kind of behavior is so........ completely different than who I am as a person. I just...don't ever do things like this. It makes me very uncomfortable, to be honest. Nervous, though I am not afraid. Upset. Shaken. Upset stomach. I want to cry. And now I am. It triggers the hell out of me.
So, I am looking at it, examining it.
I'm not breaking any laws; it isn't even late at night. It is also not constant. They can call the police (again) but when has the NYPD *ever* cared about noise complaints? I should know; I have put in many, many noise complaints about the courtyard behind my building. They fall on deaf ears.
There is nothing they can do about my music, the same as I cannot really do anything about their piano.
It is the conflict I dislike intensely.
My life has had too much conflict and I do avoid it at all costs.
I grew up with everyone in conflict and it has left very deep marks on me.
Even now, all these decades later. I can't handle conflict.
Olga is yelling loudly next door, at who I do not know.
I hate fighting. I want peace. But I also have to stand up for myself; I am no weakling. I fight only as a very last resort. It doesn't mean I can't; it just means I don't want to until I have no other choice.
This feeling of being shaken up...how strange - but also not strange- that I should have these reactions. That it affects me so deeply. At least I know why.
It is so unpleasant.
And now they have started again, and so have I.