topiary cats

topiary cats

Saturday, August 29, 2015

Addendum (PRT)

I wrote some details about my latest friendship loss in this post and this post too.
While my blog is not really the place to post about other peoples' lives, I'm going to say one more thing about what happened this summer.  Because I am still thinking about it and grieving the loss.

My former friend is an alcoholic. She decided to go sober at the beginning of this year. She has anger issues and aggressive tendencies in general. When she decided to go nuts on me and my apartment, she was at her six month mark in sobriety. Scottie told me that can be a point where people lose it. I know she had stopped therapy, I thought she was going to resume but maybe she didn't- and now that she is sober she doesn't have anything to numb her rage and it is uncontrolled. In my non-professional opinion, that is what happened- she projected, causing her to irrationally blow up on me and end our friendship.

The last I heard from her she called me a "fucking waste".

All because I was a little behind in housework.

My apartment, however, is fine. Truly.
Very solidly in the "normal" range of life in general.

******
I am overly-sensitive about my living space because my mother is a hoarder. As in the mental-illness kind of hoarder. Have you seen that show Hoarders?  With the mean and crazy people who choose a rock over their child? That's my mother. And I took the blame for it throughout my childhood and teenage years.  Very directly and constantly. It was bad.

We haven't spoken in years and that's absolutely fine with me. A great relief, in fact.

The last time I was there, when Daya was 4, I deemed her house physically unsafe for Daya to be in.
I couldn't handle being in there, either.

As an adult, I did have to consciously learn some basic life skills that I never learned growing up, but I have done that- I have worked so hard and come such a long way- and I continue to learn, grow, and improve as a person.

And that is why the (unjustified) things my friend said triggered the hell out of me.

******
I have made a decision.
I will no longer apologize for my apartment to anyone, ever again.
Because there is no need.
I always need to apologize for myself, assuming that people are thinking how awful I am.
No more.
I will have to practice this until it becomes natural.

******
While what my former friend is going through might explain what happened, it still doesn't make it ok.
I am deserving of the same kindness, compassion, and acceptance I offer to others.

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