topiary cats

topiary cats

Saturday, June 06, 2015

Floating

If there is something that is the opposite of anxiety, I have it.  Aside from the things I really have to care about- Daya, work, my friends, and the general being-a-responsible-mature-adult kind of stuff- I really could not care less about much of anything else.  Great Things which are problems- real problems- over which I have no control or influence...I just have to let them be and do the best I can on the very small scale to which I have access.

The things which I care about, I care very, VERY much about. Everything else?  Whatever.

It isn't apathy. Apathy is the wrong word.  I do not lack interest or concern. I am very much engaged. It is just that, right now, there is very little that really bothers or concerns me.  The small stuff doesn't bother me. Junk at work does not bother me. The Big Stuff....I just have to let it be, I can't do anything about it aside from the small things I already do, so I just don't worry about it.

This floaty unconcerned state....I'm not sure what to call it....I am wondering if maybe I am a little too unconcerned and relaxed.  This is very odd, but I don't know if I really am just unconcerned and relaxed, or it is some kind of reaction to...... everything.  I don't know if it is a shut-down thing to having to do too much, or if I really am just floating along happy to mind my own business and do my own thing. I don't know if it is an effect, a result, of Important Thing after Important Thing falling away, over such a long time period of endurance, or if I have simply learned what is really important in life.

All the things I have to take care of are taken care of, reliably.  And beyond that, I can't worry.  Literally, I can't. Sometimes I try, just to see if I can, and I just can't. It is so strange, not knowing if this state is a good thing or not. And it is where I find myself, just floating through the days.

Yoga teaches to let go.  I find this to be very easy. Maybe too easy.

The other day I picked Daya up from dance, and it was a little late.  I got two slices  of pizza for her for dinner, and instead of rushing home we stopped to watch the sunset together. Because it was really pretty, and worth watching.  And it was nicer for her to enjoy her pizza and a sunset rather then on the train.

These were taken with my phone...I am looking forward to sunsets with my new camera.







2 comments:

  1. Good for you for stopping to take a moment to enjoy that beautiful sunset! We shouldn't miss out on those things.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I think not sweating things is a great way to exist. Taking the time to enjoy life without the drama sounds pretty good to me.

    ReplyDelete

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