topiary cats

topiary cats

Saturday, January 24, 2015

Just Some Inner Ramblings

Human life is difficult, and even with the best intentions and tools it's still terribly wobbly at times.  But that is the nature of the spiritual journey- the chaos-stability-chaos-stability pattern.

I'm at a place now where I am truly at peace with my life so far, with one exception, one pattern, on which I go back and forth.  Sometimes I am ok with it and sometimes I am not.

But overall, I have a sense of walking forward unencumbered.  Of not carrying anything with me which is outdated. I'm not angry at anyone, I don't resent anyone or anything, I have a lot of clarity on situations and events, and people for the most part. Enough, anyhow.  Things that mattered in their own times have passed and simply do not matter anymore, except for the beneficial lessons which have remained.. I feel emptied out in a good way.

Often in spiritual practice, the concept of surrendering to God comes up.  Of giving everything to God.  Everything.  That means past, present, and future.  At this juncture in time, that is where I am.  I have given it all to God, to a Source far greater than myself, of which I am also a part.

 What it feels like, when you have given everything to God, is that everything feels "ok".  Not in a dramatic way, but in a subtle, solid, stable "It's ok" way.  It is a quiet and peaceful kind of ok. Things that have happened, yesterday or 30 years ago, it is all ok.  Other peoples' behavior and actions- it is all ok.  That's also how you know you have come out of spiritual madness/spiritual crisis...one day it just happens that everything is ok.  It doesn't have to be attached to an event, and truly, I think that is best because that makes it pure.

I don't know where I am going.  Right now I am just walking and seeing where the road goes.  There is only one thing I wish for myself, and I deeply hope to be walking towards it.  I can't know for sure.  I want to float along with the current and end up where I am supposed to end up.  I don't want to control details, I'll let God handle that. I am in a very receptive place, waiting.  This is a very yin thing.

The one thing I worry about is no-change. (and I do have a preference to keep my income and home)  But I have to give that to God, and walk in faith.  Sometimes it is hard not to freak out but that, too, passes.

I know for certain that I will face spiritual madness again- because that is the nature of the journey- and that is ok too.  Sometimes you must allow yourself to be really-not-ok, so that whatever needs to pass can pass through fully and completely, which is unpleasant.  But for now, I am floating along, letting God direct the current.

This is a good time for me to resume my practice of morning and evening meditation, as a little bit of structure is good.

Gayatri Mantra

2 comments:

  1. Do you have a Universal Unitarian Church near you? Have you ever been to one? I think you would livevit as they study all religions. They have all the symbols of different religions on the wall. Here is what they teach the children (taken from
    http://www.uunpb.org/cc-religious-education.html----------------
    We Teach Our Children
    1.To Respect Themselves and Others
    2. To Love in Their Ever Growing Circles of the Human Community
    3. To Search for Their Truth in the
    Presence of Other Seekers
    4. To Seek Liberty, Peace and Justice in our World
    5. To Engage Their Mind and Body, Heart
    and Soul - in Creating a Meaningful
    Life Journey
    6. To Understand and Appreciate What it
    Means to be a Unitarian Universalist
    7. To Love and Respect the Earth and All the Plants and Animals
    8. To Reflect on Questions of Creation, God, Birth and Death, Holy Days, Bible Stories and Stories from Other Sacred Texts
    9. To Converse about the Wisdom of Other World Religions
    10. To Celebrate and Enjoy Life
    -------------
    Pretty good, huh???? I love this!

    ReplyDelete

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