topiary cats

topiary cats

Monday, January 12, 2015

Death's Door

I have finished listening to "Spiritual Madness" by Caroline Myss.  It took me a little while as there was a lot to absorb.

In the Q&A session, something very powerful came up.  Something I just went through.  Something I am so deeply glad and grateful to have gotten some clarity on.  This is EXACTLY what I went through the end of last year.  It is not the first time I have gone through Spiritual Death/Resurrection, and I am sure it won't be the last either, but some clarity sure is nice.

But it is good to be on the other side of it.  I left some things there, on purpose, and I am so glad they are gone.

Q:  What about thoughts of suicide when one is in the Dark Night?  How can one deal with such thoughts?

A:  You will have thoughts of suicide.  I'm going to tell you now, expect thoughts of suicide.  Expect to come to Death's door some way or another.  The fact is you have to experience that.  

If I were your spiritual adviser, I'd have a question for you:  "Do you want to die yet?  Have you reached that point?"   I would encourage you to enter that place.  And I'd say "I want you to get that close- to where you don't want to live anymore."  So that, when you come back to life, the Lazarus Experience- when you go through a Resurrection- you come back more alive than you ever were before and you realize you were actually living dead before that experience.    

And what really dies is part of you that wants your life to be other than the way it is.  That relentless voice that will bring you no peace, that says "if you only have this, if you only get this, if you are only with this person, all would be perfect."  That relentless voice that tells you lies constantly.  That's the voice that brings you to Death's door. That's the one, when you recognize, if you can remember this teaching- that when you feel suicidal- and it's spiritual suicide that's motivating it, not a psychological depression- not a drug withdrawal, but genuine spiritual madness and depression- that you hang on and say "This is it.  I am letting go of my ambitions for my own life."  

This is the release point.    This is it.  And let it die.  Go through the death.  Enter your own tomb. You'll sleep for days.  You'll enter that space of No Space, that death space.  

And then your resurrection comes.


Here is also a little something I will most likely need to be reminded of at some point, again from the same program:

"The more confusing a situation is, 
the more the Hand of God is there."

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