topiary cats

topiary cats

Sunday, November 30, 2014

Topiary Cats- Iridescents

I'm pretending to clean out my studio and I came across my Topiary Cats from last year. I finished the first series, and the Cloud series- and started the Iridescent series but never finished all seven paintings.

These paintings all feature iridescent and/or metallic oil paint.

Four are done, here they are, the other three really weren't working well and I'm calling it done.

Iridescent Topiary Cats
from 2013
all are 8x10 oil on panel

Venus Fly Cats



Hole in the Wall



 Lilypad Cats




Oasis




New Spirit Guides?

Well I did, in fact, ask for some new spirit guides.

And then a night or two later I had a series of dreams in which I am pretty sure I got three new ones: A Chinese lady who came as a "new teacher", a young girl of about six or seven, and a golden retriever puppy.  There were other dogs too, large protective friendly ones- three to be exact.

So, we'll see what happens.

I just don't know about anything anymore to be honest.

*****
I got my 78 Tarot Deck on Friday!  I love it.  The Strength card is one of the most powerful images for this card I have ever seen.


Strength is something that has been on my mind the past few days.

I am a very strong person.  That will never change.

However, I fail to see the point and purpose of it all.  It's tiring. No, it is exhausting.  What happens when a person has been strong for too long?  Everyone has limits.  Even strong people.

Friday, November 28, 2014

11:11 Mandala

Thursday, November 27, 2014

A Gratitude Story

When I met Nicole over the summer, we talked about our experience with gratitude journals.

We both liked it at first but then it got to be a real chore.

She told me how she had a really nice special book she was keeping her gratitude journal in.  And about doing it every day felt like yet another task that had to be done.

...............And then her dog ate her gratitude journal!


YUM!

Things I am grateful for in no particular order:
  • Daya's health
  • My health
  • Job
  • Apartment (even though chunks of the ceiling are now falling off)
  • Paint
  • Tea
  • My friends
  • I live in NYC

Wednesday, November 26, 2014

You're Fired!

I have been getting pummeled with messages, very apt ones, relevant Stuff I Need To Hear.

And I just learned Something Very New:

(links to article)

I'm definitely going to do this.

Great, another thing to not trust.


**************

And I really want to believe this....

"When every hope is gone, when helpers fail and comforts flee, I find that help arrives somehow, from I know not where. Supplication, worship, prayer are no superstition; they are acts more real than the acts of eating, drinking, sitting or walking. 
It is no exaggeration to say that they alone are real, all else is unreal."
-Mahatma Gandhi

Tuesday, November 25, 2014

Post-Mortem


he said 'It's all in your head,' 
and I said, 'So's everything'
But he didn't get it 
I thought he was a man 
But he was just a little boy
                                               -Fiona Apple

I was speaking with a friend last night about looking for the positive lessons in life experiences.

And not being able to find them.
Even when searching really hard, meditating, and really wanting to find the positive.

Things to ask:
"Did I learn anything about myself?" (no)
"Did the experience benefit me and/or someone else?" (no)
"Did it make me a better person?" (no)
"Am I a better painter now?"  (no)
 this is a vitally important question applicable to everything 

Sometimes, it's ok to forget all that stuff about experiences being all about the journey, everything happens for a reason, etc etc.  That is all well and good and it is mostly true, but sometimes, over-analyzing gets you nowhere.  If there is nothing to be found there is just nothing.

It's kind of like searching for the positive meaning in an IRS audit letter.


Don't waste your time looking for anything besides  
"It sucks!"

******
There is nothing either good or bad, 
but thinking makes it so.
                              -Shakespeare

Well yes, we can quote the wise Hamlet but didn't he end up really messed up...and dead?  

That also sucks.

Sunday, November 23, 2014

Nora as Purrsephone

Nora and I have been doing the WC annual portrait swap for several years and we decided to have some fun. She painted me as Rochelle Bones and I painted her as Purrsephone...from Monster High.

I think Nora makes such a cute Purrsephone.

Here she is, pastel (Unisons, Senns, and Pans) on PastelMat.  PastelMat is an absolute pleasure to work on.  The pastels GLIDE.  It is the most wonderful feeling.

9.5 x 12




I dropped a Senn half stick and it shattered  This means I NEED to go to Blick tomorrow to replace it.  I am obsessive like that,

Carey understands, and this is why we are friends for life.



Friday, November 21, 2014

Just Like Real Life!

Today I worked very hard to kill a Frost Troll.  It took a while.

I persevered. 
I stayed positive.  
I was brave.  
I worked very hard against the odds and was victorious.

And this is what I got for my efforts:


NASTY

Oh gross.

It's a little too true to real life efforts, goals, and rewards. 

Thursday, November 20, 2014

Chakra Hygeine

Today, I am no longer a cyclops!
Also, I have tomorrow off.  It will be the perfect time and space to finish my portrait swap for Nora.

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Chakras.  We all have them, and they need to be cleaned regularly.  I clean mine every night right before I go to sleep.  It takes less than 10 minutes.

Here are the main chakras:


Except for the root and crown chakras***, they all have a front and a back.  Recently I came across a bit of info that mentioned the back of our chakras is about receiving, and the front is about giving.  This makes a lot of sense.

I clean mine the way I was taught many years ago...from the bottom up- starting at the root and going one by one up to the crown. pulling white or gold energy and scrubbing them out, front and back.  It's good to pay special attention to areas in which you feel weak.  If you are attuned to reiki you can use that as well. (you can also beam reiki out of your chakras as well as your hands)

When you are at the crown, pull the energy up through all your chakras, through the crown and all around you.  I use gold for this.

***The third eye chakra spans 360 degrees.

Wednesday, November 19, 2014

Lazy Intuition and Stupid Eyes

Here is an article about intuitive people.

It's accurate.  10 out of 10 of the points made apply to me.

There's this one:

THEY ENJOY PLENTY OF DOWN TIME.
Few things stifle intuition as easily as constant busyness, multitasking, connectivity to digital devices and stress and burnout. According to Huffington, we always have an intuitive sense about the people in our lives — on a deep level, we know the good ones from the “flatterers and dissemblers” — but we’re not always awake enough to our intuition to acknowledge the difference to ourselves. The problem is that we’re simply too busy.

“We always get warnings from our heart and our intuition when they appear,” she writes in Thrive. “But we are often too busy to notice.”

It's great to know that my laziness 
actually has a purpose!

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I lost my contact lens on the way to work.  Specifically, at the top of the staircase coming out of the very back of the M train in the Bryant Park subway station.  One of those split second freak things.  If you see it, by any chance...um, well don't worry about it, nevermind.

So I am a little more blind than normal today.

NOTE: this image is not of my actual lens.


Contact lenses are a real pain.  
So is having stupid eyes.

I do not know which is worse:  going through the day with one contact lens- or having dilated eyes, which I get to experience twice a year.

NOTE: this image is of my actual dilated eye from a few weeks ago. 


Whatever I do, I still cannot see!

Sunday, November 16, 2014

Nine

Daya is nine today.  I got through nine years, sort-of.  She got through nine years very well and I am proud of her.


Saturday, November 15, 2014

Where is My Snow?

Everyone is getting snow except me.

Carey got snow.
Nancy got snow.
Janet got snow.
Lesley got snow.
Mary got snow.
Karen got snow.

WHERE IS *MY* SNOW?

Carey sends me her snow and her clouds.


Friday, November 14, 2014

Soul Contracts

Tonight I entered into an official Soul Contract with Nancy.  You can do that; you can make agreements on a soul level with others for mutual benefit.  Because sometimes there are relationships that transcend time and space. Forever really does mean Forever. Nance and I are like that.  I don't care how crazy it sounds to anyone, and Nance is just as nuts as I am.

Nancy is going to be my biological mother in our next lifetime.  She wants us to both be Scorpios again, which is fine by me.  I want us to be in or close to NYC, which is fine with her.

I love Nancy madly and she loves me, which is fine by both of us too.  Nancy will be 75 tomorrow, and I selfishly tell her she isn't allowed to leave any time soon, because I still need her.

Also, so much in this lifetime has been incredibly challenging in regard to family (I don't know why!!), so it will be nice to have something nice to look forward to next time around.  Something good.  Because I know I can really count on Nancy, and she can always count on me.


Thursday, November 13, 2014

Too-Early Drama

I was sound asleep this morning, a little later than I should have been, when I was woken up by a shout:

"I CAN'T FIND MY WRITING NOTEBOOK!"

Good morning to you too...

She couldn't find two homework notebooks.  Insists they were in her backpack.  I asked if she had them at dance yesterday.  She said yes, so I said that's probably where they are then, don't worry about it we'll get it tomorrow.  No, they were in her backpack, do I know where they are?

No I don't.  Why would I know that?

Oh wait.  She can't find her keys either.   She also insisted they were in her backpack.

Now, I know for a fact that when she gets home she throws her keys on the floor.  So I told her there is still time, keep looking.

Major Meltdown ensues.  Keys are not found.  I gave her my spares on the way to the bus stop but I am Not Happy that she gave up because she got upset.


Bus Stop Sulking.

It must be her Pisces Rising.

Jenn had some excellent advice for the future.


Wednesday, November 12, 2014

Fog & the Wrong Train

It's foggy outside.  I like fog.  Except when life is a fog.  That's far less pleasant.

Speaking of fog, particularly Brain Fog, yesterday afternoon I took the wrong train home.  Well, not-home because it was the wrong train.  Almost 20 years in NYC riding the subway and I still took the wrong train. In my defense the N trains are usually the new trains; the R trains are the older ones with the yellow circle. Also, I was busy looking forward to my afternoon commute nap.

And that nap is why I ended up at the end of the line on the N train, up at Ditmars Blvd right by my very first apartment. I woke up because Carey texted me. It was so strange being back there, even if only on the train platform. A lot happened when I lived there.  It is so strange to be back to places from the past.  Familiar and not-familiar.

I refused to go all the way back down, so I walked over to the R train.  It was a nice walk.  When I got home Daya laughed at me. Jenn laughed at me too. I deserved it.

The N train should NOT impersonate the R train.



But there were good clouds up at Ditmars.



**********
I found this today and I really like it.  Taking the wrong train is stupid, but thankfully not permanent.  Some stupid things are permanent though.


Saturday, November 08, 2014

Portrait Swap Preview!

Nora and I have plans for each other for this year's swap....here is one of the refs I sent her.  I don't make my lips blue for just anyone! :)  I will start my portrait of her this weekend.
  

Wednesday, November 05, 2014

On Love

Here is something that Jackie posted yesterday. I absolutely love these words about Love.



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While it is debatable how smart I am (or am not), it is true that I would prefer to be alone than be with the wrong person.



************
I could really use some usable Directional Guidance from my Guides. My Signs lately all seem to point in different directions.


************
I have been all meditation and pondering and no fun lately.  :(

It's probably time to throw some paint at my blog, or tell an amusing story.  Maybe both.  Nora and I are portrait swap partners and we are both going to be crazy this year.

Monday, November 03, 2014

My Life is Not About Me All The Time

I had a good chat with Carey about stuff and things.  And about my thoughts on my own life experiences not actually being about me at all, or even for my benefit.  The more I think about this the more sense it makes. And it also puts me in a positive place of gratitude.

But only if I take myself completely out of it.
And keep myself out of it.
To be honest, I don't even want to do that all the time.

It's a very back-and-forth kind of thing; not easy to sustain.  That's the practice part of Spiritual Practice I guess.

God isn't some abstract formless old-man being judging us from afar.  God is in us and all around us.  We are all the voice and hands of God.  God is the love we can give to someone else which flows strong from a pure place unadulterated by ego, or our own expectations and desires.  It is a gift to be able to do that, to give that to someone else.

But why is it so difficult to sustain?

"I feel that there is nothing more truly artistic 
than to love people."
                                    -Vincent Van Gogh


"Love always brings difficulties, that is true, 
but the good side of it is that it gives energy."
                                     -Vincent Van Gogh



Sunday, November 02, 2014

More on Control and Feelings

I wrote earlier about having feelings and reactions that are out of our direct control; they are just there no matter what we think and how we act.

Perhaps the answer is that feelings are the nervous system of our inner beings, much in the same way as our physical nervous system.  Our bodies and inner beings can and do get hurt in various degrees of trauma, from minor to severe.

If you break your arm it's going to hurt whether you want it to or not.

That pain is not something that you have a choice about.  Yes you can take pain meds and do what you need in order to promote healing, but it still hurts.  I have concluded it is the same with feelings. They are just going to be there whether or not we want them to be.

I am still trying to figure out what my current lessons and takeaways are.  Perhaps the lesson is that not everything I go through, not everything that happens in my life is actually about me.  Maybe that is the answer- this is something to think about.


Saturday, November 01, 2014

Heart Gifts

oh the fear i've known 
that i might reap the praise of strangers 
and end up on my own
                                                                                  -indigo girls
This above line is basically the story of my life.

We have to honor and respect others' paths and journey.  Especially when they speak to us honestly. When someone is open and honest, it is a gift.  Everyone has to make that choice between fear and love.  And it isn't a one-time decision, it is something we must consciously and constantly choose. 

We can offer assistance, support, and encouragement to help others move out of fear. Sometimes it works, sometimes it does not.  In the end this is something everyone must decide and do for themselves.  We can only hope and pray they act and decide from a place of love, not fear.  But we cannot ever choose for them.

Almost never, a very special person may come along- a very rare kind of person.  A person worth keeping. A person with whom very special and amazing things could grow. A person who you want to tell "You will never find anyone else better than me.  I am the best you will ever find."  Especially when it really is true.  And you wish they really knew and understood that.  And they just cannot and/or will not.  

But people need to be ready to accept and receive the greatest Gifts the universe has to offer. And if they can't....well, it is very sad but we must honor and respect the Journey of others.  And pray that they have the strength and courage to combat fear and live in the love, joy, and abundance they deserve and that they find whatever it is that they need to find. 

Battle of the minds
Cries Below
Cries Above
You must pick a side
Will you choose fear?
Will you choose love?
               -Tori Amos

Immobilizing Factors

Everyone has that one thing about them which immobilizes them from time to time, or more often.  It can be anything.  Fearfulness, anger- these are two common ones.  If you don't know what your Immobilizing Factor is, look at your go-to emotion or reaction to things.

Although I get scared and angry sometimes, like everyone else, neither of these predominates my emotions or character. It takes a lot for me to get really angry, and then it eventually works its way out and it's done with.   While there are things I fear- in general I will just walk right through fear. I have already been through a lot of Really Scary Shit and by comparison, well, most things just aren't that scary. Or I have reference points that are Much Worse and I got through those.  Or I know that what is on the other side of fear is absolutely worth it.   Or could be.

My immobilizing factor is sadness.  That is how I process things.  I hold too much sadness and one day it might take me down in one way or another,  I am so tired of life experiences turning into things to add to my Pile of Sadness.  I don't know how to change it.  I have already tried everything I know to do, and then some.

What is really ironic about this is that I know how to help others move beyond their own inner demons (If they want to). I can and will battle fear.  I can do energy healing. I can see patterns, and if allowed, I can assist.  I can feel others' pain in my hands and sometimes I can remove it from them. It took me a long time to understand the difference between my feelings and others' feelings- if something I felt was "mine" or not.

But I do not know how to drain my own well of sadness, which is all mine.  At this point I just want life experiences that don't add to it any more.