topiary cats

topiary cats

Sunday, October 12, 2014

Battle of Wills

When my child engages me in a battle of wills, as tired and exhausted and NOT IN THE MOOD as I am, I have to show her that I am in charge.  I hate it.  I will not allow my child to overpower me.  I hate pissing contests.  I thought we were past this shit when she stopped being a toddler.

Almost nine years of doing this all by myself...I am so exhausted I am completely numbed out to pretty much everything.  I can't feel anything.

I'm just having an abrasive overwhelming moment.  Since there is no one else to check myself against, and i have no close family relations to ask, I wonder if I'm doing the right thing after all.

Maybe I am just messing everything up.

I am so tired, and so alone and it has been going on for so long I can't even feel it anymore.  And there is still such a long road ahead.....

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