topiary cats

topiary cats

Monday, September 08, 2014

Life Themes

When I look at my life, and the things that have been elements of my life for as long as I can remember, a few things stand out.  I have always been spiritually inclined, artistically inclined, and solitary.

Sometimes I understand the solitary theme and sometimes I do not.  It has enabled me to grow and develop in ways I don't believe would have been possible otherwise. It has given me a strange kind of freedom.  Whenever there has been a lack of people- accepting family, childhood friends, circumstances as an adult that have left me completely alone- I have turned inward to connect spiritually.  I know what it is like to really, truly need help and not have it.

You learn a lot by being alone. But for me, it really is the only thing I know.  Even when I was married I was alone- though I refused to see it at the time.  I was alone emotionally, I was the only one maintaining the material aspects of life.  I have been alone through all the major transitions of my life.  I am alone raising my child.  There is no one to trust other than myself, and I do trust myself.  I can "do being alone" without thinking.  But it does get lonely.  What more do I have to learn from the solitary part of my existence?  I'm already extremely good at it.  It's too comfortable.

I do not know how to not be alone, and I believe there is quite a lot for me to learn in this respect.  Maybe I want to know what it's like to not be completely solitary.

1 comment:

  1. I agree, being alone is in many way, so freeing. No one else to deal with, etc. But sometimes you need to be around others. I always liked to make friends with my kids parents and then everyone is on the same wavelength...get together...the kids play, they go home at a reasonable hour so kids can get ready for bed. Its healthy for the kids and the parents to all be friends. Sometimes (and I see this in my own family) single parents try too hard to go out and be with just adults, but it just causes more discomfort. I always thought it would be good to have a sort of compound for single parents where everyone took on responsibilities and everyone watched the kids so each adult could have their own time. Hard to find though, unless you have good friends as roommates. Again, I would talk to your doctor about your concerns. Maybe they would have some resources for you. All best wishes and prayers!
    Love, Julie


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