topiary cats

topiary cats

Friday, January 23, 2009

12 Secrets Chapter 3

Firstly, I am very proud of myself for keeping up with all my daily Soul Coaching tasks, journalling, and my weekly chapter in 12 Secrets to Highly Creative Women.

It feels very, very good to make realistic committments to yourself and really honor them. It's extremely empowering and opens up a deep level of trust in myself.

By the way I highly recommend Denise Linn's Soul Coaching course. Actually I highly recommend Denise Linn anything. She's just fabulous. If you ever get to go to one of her workshops do it- you'll have a great time.

Enough about that.

Chapter 3 is all about risks and taking them and not taking them.

Here are the challenge questions.
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My Risk-Taking History:

Some of my risks were really stupid and some were really powerful. Some hurt and some didn't. Here are the first three that come to mind.

1. There was a guy I liked when I was in college, and I wanted to become friends with him so I took initiative to do so. It didn't work, and I felt very rejected and embarassed. Actually I still don't even like thinking about it today and this was OVER A DECADE AGO! Looking back with a little more understanding about myself and where I was and why, I can see how I was in no possible way ready or even capable of moving into a relationship. I don't talk about this much, ever, but I was really a mess for most of my college years, which prompted me into either 1) get into drugs or 2) try and figure out my life and make positive changes. (I am glad I went for the second option.) But I did take a risk, and I felt awful afterwards. I guess I never did acknowledge my courage no matter the outcome though.

2. Getting together with my ex-husband was a really realllllllly STOOPID risk (and I guess I even knew it but didn't want to acknowledge it) and that ended rather badly after a few years. Although occasionally I still get a little bit mad, the experience pushed me to regain my own power in a very strong way and help others find their own power in similar situations. I don't regret it.

3. Leaving my ex-husband was the hugest and scariest risk I ever took, and it was the single most awesome, most powerful and healthiest thing I have ever done in my entire life. I was broke, facing layoffs at work, and had a two week old baby and a c-section. I got re-plugged in spiritually like a wire in an electrical outlet. Very awesome. Go me. Jump off a cliff and sprout wings kind of thing.

I guess these aren't directly creative in nature but here is my risk profile: sometimes stupid, sometimes not. I guess that's the best any of us could hope for.

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What messages are you receiving from your intuitive voice?

Get a new bed. Seriously. And I'm still in discussions with the Ferocactus Faerie to tell me what she looks like. I'll drag it out of her this weekend.

Following Fascinations- When I do this it comes out of my bank account because I tend to buy books. This has gotten better since Google was invented. Eventually this stuff finds its way into my artwork. Like the stapeliads. And cacti, which I have been fascinated with since I was 6 years old.

I do kind of wish I wasn't stuck in Corporate Mayhem, but the truth is I like my job and I make a living wage. Also, I get to learn a lot about things I am interested in and good at. I am not getting any internal prompts or urges to leave at this time. I'd LOVE to do portrait work on the side though.

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The Inner Patriarch
What I learned about limiting self expression from women (mother): My issue here is that my mother didn't tell me I wasn't good enough...she encouraged me because she wanted to live vicariously through me. She'd even say it straight out. I didn't like that very much. Actually I really resented it. Although I got to go to art school because of it so that's a plus.

The prevailing attitude was that men are stronger than women and in order to get your expression or creative pursuits off the ground a man had to be involved to support it.

I give my Inner Patriarch the finger and then go have some tea.

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Staying Power
Limited thinking/staying power:

Can I tell you a secret Internets? I was reallllly shy about making my Zentangle Faerie public. Why I don't know. I really can't say. I am oddly shy about drawing people which is plain bizarre since I spent 4 years drawing naked people at Pratt. But there you have it. The Zentangle Faerie spawned all the Unlikely Faeries I am currently doing. And just wait til Monday when a suprise visitor shows up!

Spiritual beliefs about creativity: My creativity is so closely linked with my spirituality I can't see a separation. My creative nature is also my intuition, which is inseperable from my spirituality. They are all that core deep eternal part of me.

Staying power though...I admit I get flaky and have trouble finishing things I start.
I am trying to get better about that.

5 comments:

  1. Fear of rejection and then actually being rejected can indeed be a painful experience. I guess it wasn't the right path for you at that time as you later realised. I so resonate with leaving your husband being the scariest yet most powerful thing you could ever have done....been there myself. I'm learning to recognise my Inner Emotional Guidance system more after reading and watching so many Abraham-Hicks material. I just can't get enough.

    I LOVED your Zentangle faerie!! I'm so glad you let your guard down and showed it to us. You are a awesome artist, Jessica!

    I like your idea of giving your Inner Patriarch the finger and then having some tea. You ROCK!

    love, light and peace,
    serena

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  2. I am so glad you are sharing your journey through this book. It has stirred up many memories for me. Given me different ways to look at what is going on in my life.

    After all of these years I am just now getting so I follow through with most things.

    You are so busy now. When your life slows down a little you will do better with what you want to do. There are only so many hours in a day. You just have to decide what is most important and do it.

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  3. What an interesting post! I LOVED reading it! I hope your talks with the Ferocactus Fairy are coming along well! Can't wait for Monday!!!

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  4. man oh man these are really great to read, love the 'new bed' one. keep going and keep posting pleeeeese.

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  5. This was a pretty powerful post. I love it. I anticipate the future conversations we'll have that will bounce from what you're saying here. I've been in a place where blogging isn't best for me. It may change soon, it may not. But I know this post reminds me why I blog...to focus my mind, to release and of course to share and hopefully be inspiring while being inspired. I appreciate your openness here. I'm sure we will get together again soon.

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