topiary cats

topiary cats

Friday, January 16, 2009

12 Secrets 1 & 2

I read the first chapter last Friday, but this week has been so wacky I haven't posted. So this is a double entry. But there is something really cool that I want to write about first. It happened last night.

I found my earth.

I realize that might not make sense. But for me, it does. While I have always loved nature, despite my city-life as an adult, earth was the most challenging element for me. I have no earth in my astrological chart, and being grounded has always been a particular challenge. Earthiness is something I have craved but never found within myself until last night. My earth is in my name. Jessica means wealthy, which in the normal and traditional sense is an earth attribute as it relates to money. My middle name is Lee, which means field or meadow. Which is earth. Right there all along. I am so glad to have found that connection.

Chapter 1 is about acknowledging your creative self. I am very fortunate in that since I can remember I have always been in touch with myself as a creative person. Growing up I was one of those kids that was known for being able to draw. As I grew up I never lost touch with that. My identity as an artist is the most constant part of my core identity. Even when I go through long periods of un-productivity, I still have a deep sense of that artistic nature. Creativity was encouraged throughout my childhood. For all it's dysfunction, and even despite being encouraged for the wrong reasons, I am grateful for that gift from my childhood and it deserves to be acknowledged.

My first year in college, a woman who was studying handwriting analysis sat in the Pratt cafeteria and did free readings for people to get some practice. She said she figured there would be really interesting people at an art school. I thought her analysis of my handwriting was very accurate, and I still have it in an old journal. She told me she was suprised that she didn't see the characteristics of an artist in a lot of the Pratt students' handwriting, but she saw it in mine. I've also been told that I have the hand shape and fingers of an artist.

I am deeply grateful for my artistic disposition and abilities. It connects me to my source and grounds me. The only time I lost that deep place within myself was when I was pregnant- even thinking about painting or drawing made me throw up. The baby growing inside me seemed to want that core energy, and I had no access to it, even in awareness. It was a very strange feeling to not have it. I can't imagine going through life without that core energy/awareness.

Chapter 2 is about honoring inspirations, and gives several guidepoints to make space for our creative selves. Space is a real challenge for me. I have a one bedroom apartment, and my daughter has the bedroom. (note to self: temporary!) I always have my art area set up and ready to go, which is nice. But time space is also critical. I am glad to have embarked on No-Computer Tuesdays and Thursdays (at home). Even though I really blew it last Tuesday. Those evenings give me the time I need on a regular basis that is reserved for reading and art. And it's hard. But also necessary.

My hideout is my bathtub. I love the water. It gives me a sense of cleanliness and peace. Also, I need solitude like a car needs gas. If I don't get alone time every day I get very unbalanced. I crave silence like a drug. Which is very strange to many people, but is so vital to my stability and well-being.

Ok, so here are the challenge questions at the end of the chapter:
1)When did your creative awakening occur? I think my creative nature allows me to continually wake up!
2)What talents do I have naturally? I have an sense and eye for visual arts. My technical skills could be better but I have a good sense and intuition about what is good design and color. I know how to see in the way that is necessary to draw and paint. I have other talents and abilities too but I'm focusing here on visual arts.
3) which elements draw you toward them? Water definitely is my strongest pull. I am most comfortable with it. Earth and fire and my most challenging. Fire I am somewhat in touch with but I need to learn how to better adjust the flame according to the situation as appropriate :).
4) Where/when do you create? Stuff is going through my mind constantly. Really, ideas for paintings and such never shut up. The problem is that I don't document them and when I go to paint or do something new I wonder "Duh what do I want to paint?"
5) What activates and drains your creativity? Activate: nature, seeing others' work. Drain: my apartment, depression
6) Creative rituals: I don't have one and I never considered it before. I will meditate on this and come up with one because it's a fabulous idea.
7) Does nature influence your creativity? Yes absolutely. I am a little starved for nature being in this city. That too is temporary. Nature speaks to me and huge worlds open from minute places. I can't wait to get back to it as part of my daily lifestyle.
8)Greatest creative hurdle: depression
9)What time are you most receptive? Night time, the later the better. When it's quiet and everyone is asleep.

Well, this has been a long post with no pictures. But I'm glad I did it. Keeping promises and committments to myself is a wonderful feeling.

Today was also the start of my 28 day long Soul Coaching program, but I'm not going to blog it daily.


  1. this was so insightful and i learnt so much more about you. thanks so much for it, and for being you. good luck for the soul coaching course. hugs.

  2. Jessica...thanks for posting all of really helped me personally with my feelings about whether I should keep even trying to do artistic stuff. I realize now that I am being called to do this. I keep pushing ahead with the ideas that I should be trying to create, even if I cannot figure out why. Maybe it is just the process. Well, I also wanted to tell you that I found inspiration in the oddest of places today. I was driving home from work and there was a big huge ugly field in the middle of a town...all sand and trash, etc. There was a power pole there, and it was a little windy, and growing next to the pole was one plant with about 5 Black Eyed Susan flowers there, blowing around. I thought at that moment how you can see some very seemingly small thing...just so beautiful, sitting there amidst all ugliness, and just hits you! So...I would say to you in a big city and in a small apt.....look for the very small inspirations in nature...bugs, birds on a line, little tiny blooming weeds (I do love these)!
    Thanks Jessica!!!
    XOXO Julie

  3. I so admire you for all the artistic work you accomplish. What with having a job and a baby. My gosh, it is no wonder you need quiet.

    Thank you for sharing your journey with us. I hope you find what you need, what you are looking for.

  4. Okay, I need to get this book. You convinced me.

  5. Such ispirring sharing.
    You are so talented and positive:)
    Thanks for rubbing them to us too:) He...He...

  6. What an incredible post! You are to open to tell about yourself! I'm impressed, plus I learned so much...

    Where did you find the meaning of your name? I have the same problem about the grounding... I am water...

    Just requested this book from the public library...
    Thank you Jessica you are wonderful :-)

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  8. I'm glad you found your earth, Jessica.

    I enjoyed reading your 12 Secrets chapters. I see a few similarities with myself. I did chapter one but have yet to do my chapter two post. i've written about it in my journal, just haven't typed it up for my post yet. I'm glad we have a week to do this. Soul Coaching was very 'full on' being a daily post. I think you would totally drain yourself if you committed to posting about that daily. I hope you get as much out of it as I did. Be prepared for a lot of clutter clearing ~ :)

    I'm an earth-pig by Chinese astrology and I find myself really drawn to water.

    Wonderful post, Jessica!


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