topiary cats

topiary cats

Thursday, March 27, 2008

My Gym, it is GONE

My gym that I've been going to on and off for the last 7 years is gone! Since September apparently, but I just found out today. The last time I was there was right before I went to the Dominican Republic in----SEPTEMBER!

Apparently they lost their lease. :(

Last night I went to the gym up the road from me, which boasts free childcare. It was sooooooo crowded, and I found out the hard way that people reserve the equipment for half hour slots. I need more than a half hour. I'm just getting started after a half hour!

So I got rudely kicked off the treadmill and I had been enjoying it so much...seriously, it felt like sex with no orgasm. I don't even want to go to the gym with a process like that. I cannot meditate in boxes. So, I'll have to go during work when I can swing it, to another location that doesn't require you to sign up for a half hour only on the treadmill.

Sunday, March 23, 2008

Has it really been a week???

I told myself "I'll post tomorrow," and somehow tomorrow turned into a week!

Here is my week in review:
Sat thru Monday: my friend Ellen came to visit with her daughter, who is three weeks younger than Daya. We had a wonderful time and her daughter is an absolute gem. We put them in the bath together and took the cutest. pictures. ever. I'm not including the super-cute matching butt shots, because I don't put pics of my kid (or other peoples' kids) like that on the internet. Sorry.

We walked across the Brooklyn Bridge, because that's what I do to people who visit me.

I made up for it by taking them to John's Pizzeria, still in the same location since 1929. They have the best pizza in NYC. If you come here, go there.

Then I took them for the best and most famous cheesecake ever at Juniors...original location in Brooklyn, of course.

I got to carry Daya around in the Ergo carrier, too. I miss doing that like I used to. That's what I'll miss most about her babyhood, when she finally gets too big for me to wear her.

Tuesday: went to work.
Wednesday: went to work. Came home and found out my next door neighbor had just passed away. Very sad, he was a really nice guy. I am sad for his wife, who I am friends with.
Thursday: went to work.
Friday: went to Chinatown for tea, incense, and amazing dim sum.
Saturday: The Toddler and I both got our hair cut. I also straightened her hair with the blow dryer. Straight or curly, my daughter has enormous hair. After the haircut we went to spend the rest of the day with my friend and her 17 month old daughter.

Sunday: Went to see Mary, played in the park. Got exhausted and someone fell asleep at 6:30pm! (yay!)

Sunday PM: I don[t want to go back to work tomorrow; I love having days off! There is a candle burning, incense too, and I am drinking a nice big cup of white tea. Once my laptop finishes a software update I'll put a movie on there and do some graphics work on this puter that I've been procrastinating on.

I hope you are having a peaceful evening, too.

Thursday, March 13, 2008

New Toy

I'm allowed to spend a little money frivolously as long as my Minnesota Savings Fund is on track, right?

Good, because I bought myself a New and Fabulous Toy. And I got a very good deal on it. I got myself a Wacom graphics tablet...a thingie that is a pressure sensitive pad with a pen to draw on the puter! Actually I never consider art stuff of any kind frivolous. And the computer is simply another medium.

It doesn't smell nearly as good as linseed oil but I love it. This thing is so cool. So I've been playing in Flash and Illustrator trying to get something done for an actual commission. YAY!

My friend is coming in from out of town tomorrow morning with her toddler. I'm taking her around NYC all weekend. My place is still a mess but I did get a lot of laundry done (and folded!!). And because I'm a little compulsive at times, I also made a nice batch of homemade chocolate almond fudge. Which I shouldn't be eating so I'll prob give most of it away. You want some?

Monday, March 10, 2008

Spring Forward

The twice-yearly time change causes me angst (I HATE it) but to switch to Daylight Savings time earlier has really messed me up.

So I don't know if it was sleep deprivation, stupidity, or sheer unconscious rebellion but I mistakenly turned my clocks the wrong way and so was 2 hours late to work. Not that it mattered, no one is here today.

I am not ready for Spring. We barely had winter. Now it'll get light way too early and that means more noise outside my window. Boo.

Tuesday, March 04, 2008


I think I am going through (*sighs* another) Dark Night of the Soul kind of thing.

My whole life can be prganized into chapters- definite stages of circumstance. And while I am an "appreciate the moment" kind of person, not at all prone to saying or thinking things like "I wish today was Friday" or "I wish the day was over", I can't help wishing that this stage of my life was in the past already.

Wishing life away and rushing through our living moments is not my thing. Each day, each moment, brings us closer to our time of death. And I'm not ready to die. I hope to die at a time when I am ready to go. Now is not that time. So I don't like wishing life away. To me that's like throwing your life away; it goes by fast enough without urging it on, towards the inevitable end.

All the same, I wish I was safely past this period and into my next phase.

Yesterday I went to see my lawyer. She's great, I like her very much. Sometimes I feel a little dumb in there, there's so much to think about, but I've got enough smarts to do what I have to do. It involves having to contact my ex, which I am attempting to do through his parents, as I have no other info. I can only hope (if I can even get a hold of him) that he'll do the right thing for everyone involved and release our daughter of any remaining links to him. I don't feel good about it. It makes me very, very sad. But I want to open the way for her to potentially have a father in the future, should that opportunity arise. Having to go back to this history makes me very, very sad as well. It makes me feel sad and alone. Sad for me that my pregnancy and childbirth was so unhappy, and sad for Daya for being abandoned.

Although I really have nothing to lose with this whole thing, court and the process still scares me. But mostly I am sad about the circumstance- every time I read about or see a man who really loves his child, it suprises me. I get along well with my own father now but my mother did everything she could to kill that relationship and for a long time it worked. So there's a huge gap there, and my younger sister was his replacement for me and my older sister. So, emotionally I am suprised when fathers are involved although in my mind I know my father did everything he could. But he let go; he's even said this to me and my adult mind does not even blame him for it. But as a child I knew it and felt it; nothing had to be said. So, I am still suprised when fathers love their kids.