topiary cats

topiary cats

Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Get Ready...

...for Pigeon Risk Time (PRT)!

It's all explained HERE.

So now I'm all psyched about PRT. I only have 10 more days of being destitute-ly broke, then it gets better! YAY!

I think that Pigeon Risk will be a good time, lots of fun. You should join us, we're non-exclusive.

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

The Verdict

My iPod has a dead logic board. It can be fixed, but it's not worth the cost. If I wait a few more weeks I can upgrade to a newer model with more storage, and repairing my old one would cost just under half of what it will cost for replacement.

So bad luck does seem to run in threes, and I've run my course.
In the past few months, I've had to replace my camera, my cellphone, and my iPod. Interestingly, all three were liquid-related injuries, though in the case of the cellphone the bathtub was empty; had it been full I think the phone would have been ok.

Good bye, iPod.

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Sand Dunes

Serena, thanks for reminding me to post this!

Oil on Canvas
24 x 30 in

Sunday, July 22, 2007

15 Hours, 36 Minutes

That's the time it took me to get through all 759 pages of the last Harry Potter Book.
The time includes a large number of toddler interruptions.

:)

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

iWait

After rinsing out my ipod and letting it dry, then feeling discouraged as it showed no signs of life, the thing came back to life. But the click wheel still doesn't work. So, I sent it for a free repair estimate.

The wheel sounds...er...kind of sticky.

*sighs* I miss my morning subway meditations.

Monday, July 16, 2007

iJuice

My iPod might not be dead.....I'm saying a few prayers.

This morning it turned on, even sync'd. But the click wheel didn't work. I figured the apple juice made things sticky, and since the thing wasn't working anyhow, I rinsed it out a little.

The stupid part may have been plugging it in. I'll give it a few days to dry out, and maybe it's even worth repairing. MAYBE it'll even work on it's own, things I've read online are very encouraging. Except the plugging in part.

I miss my iPod but at the same time it's life and I can't get too upset about it.

Blah Blah Blah

I've really been feeling BLAH lately. Tired. Very tired. The condition of being BROKE has a little to do with it, I think...and wouldn't you know, a leaky sippy cup killed my iPod yesterday.

I cannot afford to replace it for a whole month. A whole MONTH. And I liked my iPod. A basic 4G 20 gig. Nothing fancy. It suited me very well.

Summer just isn't my favorite time of year. I'm really looking forward to the cold weather so I can wear my black boots and take hot baths and have my friends over for homemade soup.

Oh, and also, the few coins that get thrown my way for child support have stopped being thrown. Not good timing...that tiny bit wouldn't have come amiss this month.

Last week I did manage to finish a painting, it came out ok, I'll post a pic later.

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Odd One Out

I'm very fortunate that Daya has such an awesome sitter. She has really incorporated into the family there.

But sometimes I feel like the odd one out. I think that there is a good possibility that Daya knows more Spanish than English. She loves being around the other kids there. She even looks like them, much more than she looks like me. Daya's too young to notice anything now, or care, but I hope it doesn't create distance between us when she gets older.

On Poverty

I want to preface this post by saying I am neither unaware of nor insensitive to issues of poverty and hunger in third world countries.

***
Some reactions and thoughts have been flying around in my mind since Friday.
The very nice person I went to dinner with is originally from Egypt. The conversation turned to poverty and living conditions, hunger, etc that exist in Egypt and other countries.

This conversation made me realize that I'm actually tired of hearing about it. Not because I don't care- because I do- but when I was married this issue was shoved in my face and I'm only now becoming aware of my resentment, because it caused so much imbalance and restriction in my life and my mind. Once when I carved a pumpkin for Halloween I got a whole lecture about how it was a waste of food and could feed a whole family. When I fasted for spiritual reasons I got a reaction of "you can choose not to eat, others don't have that choice." My decision to not eat meat was met with "Only the wealthy can choose what to eat and what not to eat. Your choice to not eat something is a luxury." At the time, I lived with a superimposed attitude from the ex that we shouldn't partake in anything while others went without. Meanwhile, my roof was caving in, there wan't enough to go around just to support the household's basic needs. But I didn't want to be selfish.

While I respect the struggles and hardships that growing up in poverty inevitably brings, I also do not think it makes a person noble. It does not invalidate the challenges that the non-poverty people face. Nor do I think that any of us should feel guilty for what we have, because others don't have it. Not taking things for granted and gratitude are essential, but that's another thing altogether.

Where am I going with this? Not sure, but's been floating around in my head. I need a change from that focus. Does that make me selfish? No, I don't think so. It means I am focused on learning how to live the life that was given to me with gratitude and appreciation and awareness of the plights of others. The truth is that I am powerless to stop world hunger, poverty, and war.

Saturday, July 07, 2007

Ask Questions, Get Answers, Be Confused

Last night before I went to sleep I asked for an answer to a question about something I've been holding onto for while now...and holding on with very good reason. Before I went to sleep last night I changed my candle. The first thing I noticed this morning was this:




That's never happened before. I do take symbols around me seriously, especially if I ask for a specific sign about a specific question. So this leaves me wondering if something changed.

Anyhow, I had a date last night. I approached it with very neutral feelings. He was a very nice guy, great conversation, interesting person. I'm not feeling the chemistry though, but I'm not surprised because I'm just not easily attracted to people in general. What is wrong with me, I wonder. Perhaps I'm just not in a place of romance. I wouldn't mind going out with him again but at the same time I don't want to lead him on to think that I'm interested in a way that I'm not.

So confusing signs...my two candle wicks from last weekend that could be seen as a great portent to something I'm just not feeling and don't think will change, the burnt out brand new candle this morning regarding something I can't talk about but wish I could...I'm confused.

Though all this is coming from the perspective that everything around us is symbolic in some way, speaking to us, reflections of us, I'm also open to the idea that it all means squat.

Friday, July 06, 2007

The Swimsuit Actually Still Fits

Last Year:



This Year:



You weren't really expecting a picture of me, were you?

Thursday, July 05, 2007

Incapable

Despite my good and sincere intentions, there is something I am apparently incapable of, as much as I wish I could.

I cannot wake up earlier than I absolutely must. Even though those early hours of the morning are so nice. I could paint regularly. Meditate in silence. Be toddler-free. Last night I was determined to get on a new schedule...but I failed miserably.

These days I'm struggling with frustration. Daya's really starting to turn into Interfering Toddler. I moved all of her stuff from my area into her room. But I'm really frustrated with her getting into everything of mine. Over and over. There is no space that she doesn't get into. Pulling stuff off shelves, pulling towels down, and I find that more and more I crave order. She un-does everything in a second.

I almost evicted her from her room. I still might, I haven't decided. Of course I love my child- there's no question about that, but some days I don't want to be a mom.

Tuesday, July 03, 2007

East of Ginger Trees

I always considered myself to be a spiritual person, and that is definitely true.
But, once again, I'm in the process of re-evaluating myself and figuring it all out again. The process never ends.

Sometimes I get very discouraged by it all, the odds don't seem to be in my favor. But if nothing else, I'll learn something.

Very soon I'll be finishing the painting that's on my easel. The energy is building; I do wish it would build faster, or perhaps that I wasn't so lazy...blogging when I could be painting. Daya is asleep after all. I wish Linseed Oil came as a room freshener scent. I did put some in my fragrance burner once, but it didn't work.