topiary cats

topiary cats

Monday, June 11, 2007

Just some stuff

I haven't been on here for a bit because I've just had nothing to say. Today I'm feeling very bad, hurt, but I don't want to talk about it or write about it, save to say that that's how I am feeling. It may take a few days but I'll get over it, and in the meantime observe it. I'm sure I'm making a mountain out of nothing but that's just where I am right now.

I have this crazy inner child who gets to run amok more often than she should. I've got a lot of work to do with her, and how I'm feeling right now most probably has to do with her and inner child processing/interpretation etc. For no logical reason I can launch into feeling hurtfully rejected over nothing. Case in point: Last week an author that I wanted to see was having a book signing in the evening. I wanted to go, for no reason other than I could. I went home after work, collected Daya, and went. I thought Daya might start winding down, as she hadn't slept all day and her bedtime was fast approachng. She wasn't cranky but she was definitely awake, being curious in the way toddlers are. Anyhow, I was in the back of the room, listening to the author and quietly entertaining Daya, who honestly wasn't being loud or noisy at all. (another woman had a baby who would cry now and then) A lady in the audience asked me to take Daya out of the room, and I complied immediately, beause I'm all into respecting people, especially when little kids are involved. And there was nothing wrong with her politely asking me to leave. But somehow, illogically, it translated to some part of me as leave, you're not wanted here, a rejection. A totally wrong reaction on my part, but it was there so I observed it. No amount of logic and sensibility helped.

I think what I'm feeling now is in the same vein, although a different situation entirely.

2 comments:

  1. I think you could use a ((((Hug)))) I think I would have felt similar...part of my own insecurities though.

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  2. I think we feel what we feel. There isn't a wrong or a right to it - responses are exactly that - responses. They can clue us in to repeating patterns, and deeper issues, but they aren't wrong or right. I was in Gestalt therapy for a while, a mixed experience, but it's all about respecting those responses.

    anyway, that's quite enough of that - a ((((Hug)))) from me too. Nice blog.

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