topiary cats

topiary cats

Thursday, April 19, 2007


This is a few days delayed but I've needed that time to think and collect thoughts.

I am so deeply saddened by the shootings in Virginia earlier this week. It's so tragic and horrible. It makes me feel sick to my stomach.

My reaction to it is that law enforcement needs to take non-physical violence far more seriously than it does. Of course this means resources on an already overburdened system and I don't have a good answer or solution to that because I feel there are so many factors involved in why these things are happening en masse to begin with. But the police do need to take things seriously even with no history of previous physical violence.

Right after I had Daya things got even worse at home than they had been previously. I was extremely quiet and withdrawn; that was my defense. To appear weak and immobilized, lost in depression. Incapable of doing anything.

When Daya was 11 days old, the ex came home frome wherever he had been for the past four days. He came home for less than 10 minutes, just to tell me that he "had a vision" that the baby and I would be found dead in the apartment. He said it "was confirmed" and would definitely happen.

I took that pretty seriously. Seriously enough to call the police. The police told me that since he hadn't hit me, there was nothing they could do except file a complaint of harassment, which wouldn't even keep him away from me. Even though he is an expert martial artist. Even though he has firearms training. Even though he was crazy in the head. Even though he had said those words of his newborn baby girl.

What I think could very feasibly have happened, had I not moved out less than a week later, isn't a far stretch in my mind. The ex was crazy and that was dangerous because it meant he was unpredictable in his actions, regardless of previous known history. He was finished with me, that was made very, very clear. He also made it clear that he changed his mind and "couldn't" be tied down with responsibilities after all, meaning Daya. He said normal rules of humans didn't apply to him because he was god's special messenger. I was simply excess to him, something he used up and no longer needed. Something that could be discarded without a second thought. (Meaning he built up his social network, had a new woman to be parasite to, resources, and thought he had his greencard secured.)

That gives us a man who is expertly trained in the art of killing along with a total lack of conscience or sense of empathy or personal wrongdoing. And a motive. Very, very dangerous. It would have been so easy for him to have done something and make it look like a post-partum depression suicide/infant murder. So easy. Too easy, in fact, especially because it was no secret that I was not emotionally well during the pregnancy or afterwards. Add to that whatever he was telling people. And it would most probably have worked. Because people loved him and would have sworn on their lives he'd never do such a thing. Because of his way of presenting himself, and because no one knew the truth of what was going on in our home. And he wouldn't have to deal with me anymore, he'd be clear and free to go about his life of parasitical charm. And he'd get a ton of sympathy and attention from such a horrible thing happening...playing up his anguish...I can see it so clearly.

My story continued to a much happier place, for which I am beyond thankful.

Which cannot be said for those poor souls mowed down by one man's insanity.

Which could have and should have been prevented.


  1. I'm so glad you listened to your inner voice and moved!! Your EX sounds very similar to kids and I were hiding out for the first three months after I left him due to his threats. The police even advised me against a restraining order as they said it may have actually set him off. Let's face it, a restraining order doesn't protect you in their moment of madness anyways and that's been sadly proven in so many cases. I'm glad that you and Daya are now in a safer place. (((Hugs)))

  2. Holy crap this post gave me chills, J. Many blessings are yours, and may they continue to be.

    Do you know where he is today?

  3. ok, nevermind, I just saw you mentioned it in a previous post. I guess I should do my catching up in chronological order. heh.


Thanks for stopping by! I love your comments! :) <3