topiary cats

topiary cats

Sunday, December 31, 2006


I am glad this is the last day of 2006. What a year it's been. Such a journey of discovery. One of those things that you know is necessary to go through but you can't help looking forward to being at the end.

Usually I don't make a big deal out of New Year's. This year it seems significant in some way. Perhaps it's because I am so optimistic about 2007, in other ways the end of this year is laying to rest my transition.

Circumstances bringing me and Daya into the New Year are good. My tiny tiny studio apartment feels so far away- this new apartment is wonderful. Financially I am moving into the new year with a little extra, and my financial planning for next year will have me and Daya in a good place. My goal is to completely eliminate the marriage-debt next year, and with the way things are going that is within my ability to do.

2007 will bring me finalized divorce papers. I wish that had happened this year but it shouldn't be long now.

In September of 2005 I had a dream that I was in a race at night, on horseback. A man lay by the side of the road, dying, and a woman was trying to save him. I stopped to help them and I healed the man. Stopping meant that I would not place first in the race. I finished anyhow, and a voice told me that I had won after all- not because I came in first, but because I had stopped to help the dying man. Then I was racing quickly and smoothly towards my destination, a dark tunnel towards the water and a boat. I could not see them but I knew they were there. Tiny pinpricks of light guided me at every step. There was light at the end, and bliss.

That dream gave me comfort and a solid peace when I had it. Though I was told by the Ex it meant my death in childbirth, I knew differently. I feel that I am somehow going towards that place of bliss, and I look forward to the next leg in my Journey.


If I had New Year's resolutions, mine would be to make my inner peace and my outer behaviour congruent. I would like to learn how to go above everyday irritations. Often I find myself misunderstood, and I would like to come to terms with that and understand why. I wish for a solid peace to surround me.

How different would I be of I was out of this urban environment? That, too, will come in time.

True freedom begins in the infinity of the mind.

Saturday, December 30, 2006

Tigers and Teeth

Daya update email

3 Month Update

Archiving old emails from when Daya was a baby into my blog.

Feb 2006

Hi everyone,

I turned 3 months old last week.  In celebration, I got:
1 (one) shot from the doctor and
2 (two) ears pierced!

I barely cried at all.

I am HUGE. I already weigh 15.4lbs, and I am 25 1/2
inches long.  The doctor said I am in the 98th
percentile for size and growth.  In the last month, I
gained 4 lbs!!

Mom says that because I am 3 months old it's time
for me to try and sleep through the night.  I don't
think this is a very good idea.  Mom keeps saying
something about how I'm old enough now to learn and it would
be really great because she has not had an
uninterrupted night's sleep for 7 months.  Unfortunately the
doctor is on her side. I think I need a new doctor.

I have 2 hands!  They're really cool.  Mom keeps
saying someting about I have feet too, but I don't
know what the heck she's talking about.

I want to talk sooo badly, and I'll have a good
conversation with anyone who will listen.  And talk
back.  The cat won't talk back to me though, she
just runs away.

Yesterday I went to the Metropolitan Museum of Art.
It was my very first museum trip ever.  People
looked at me instead of the paintings, and lots of people
kept saying they loved my leopard print socks. 

When I was at the museum we went to the gift store
and I picked out some fun presents for my friends Yumiko
and Miu who live in Japan.  I think it's cool that I
already have friends all over the world.

My mom says she'll teach me to paint, too, when I
get just a little bit bigger.  I think I will paint
better than those museum paintings.

Mom keeps trying to get a picture with me and the
cat,but the cat doesn't like me very much (yet).  She
won't sit anywhere near me, so I took pictures with
my horse instead.  (Thanx Christine for my horse!)

Thanks to **everyone** who has given me such nice
things.  You are all so wonderful and thoughtful.

Check out the attached Word document for the latest
pictures of me!  There are 4 pages.  Don't forget to
look at my leopard socks!

Daya (and Jessica)

Friday, December 29, 2006

A Cool Thing

My desk here at work is right by the window, directly facing the pole the New Year's ball drops from in Times Square.

The ball hasn't been put up yet, but as of this morning there are a few workers up there doing the electrical wiring.

Thursday, December 28, 2006

About Nothing

I've been waiting out the rest of 2006. It's been a full year, and I am ready to move on to my future. I feel very optimistic about 2007.

A co-worker and I were talking today about how people are judged by physical appearance in the workplace. Women, specifically. She said it's just life, that's just how it is, what are you going to do. And I said what I am going to do is not be like that.

Really, it's things like that which make me so disgusted at humans. The superficiality of peoples' opinions. I go back and forth on humanity in general---I hate that poeple are so mean. Maybe I'm naive, maybe I'm just stupid, but when I encounter stuff like this I'm glad that I'm such a recluse.

Sunday, December 24, 2006

Terrible Photos

Daya refused to take decent holiday pictures. I got one picture, from over 40 bad shots and two photo sessions.

Here is how she felt about having the picture taken:

And the one sort-of decent picture!

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

The Stupidest Question Ever

I used to firmly believe there is no such thing as a stupid question.

Today, this was proved wrong.

Co-worker: How did you make that screenshot?
Me: YOU made it.
Co-worker: I made it?
Me: YES, these are your files, YOU made them- don't you know your own work?

This week I have been angry a lot. At the above-mentioned co-worker. Really pissed off, actually. I do not enjoy being angry, though it's just part of experiencing life. So while being angry I try to observe it as much as possible. I find it unpleasant. It makes me feel distant from god. I don't like how I am when I'm angry like I've been. I'm very bitchy.

Thursday, December 07, 2006

Goodbye, Lump!

I have a lump.

It's right near my left hip, and I first noticed it when I was 12...? 14...? I can't even remember, but I've lived with the lump for over 15 years. I've never been concerned about it and I'm still not. It's taken 15 years to get to a size of 3cm.

But today, the demise of the lump is at hand.

I do not think I will miss it very much.

Update: The Lump is gone. (yay) Turns out it was a cyst the size of a golfball. (ew) It sure didn't seem that big! Surgeon lady was super-fabulous.

I am still skeeved out.

I do not miss the Lump.

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Tackiest Presents Ever

Its holiday time, retail mayhem, tree holocausts, the crowds of buying stuff and stuff and more stuff and more stuff after that, and I hate it.

That's why I try and steer clear as much as possible.

But enough about my anti-holiday spirit...let's talk about gift giving!
Here is a list of the worst presents I've ever gotten. I'm very sorry to say that they all came from the same person.

*For my high school graduation I received an oven mitt, pot holder, and dish towel that said "Mi casa es su casa". Because I studied Spanish.

*For my college graduation I received (with a Wal-Mart sticker) a matted print tryptich of Anne Geddes baby photos wearing cactus hats. Because I like cacti.

The other thing that peeves me off about gift giving is the mindset that anything given MUST be attached to an occasion to justify it.

Giving should come from the heart, not obligation to an occasion.

And that's why I don't have a holiday list.

Sunday, December 03, 2006

Today's Wisdom

It always amazes me how the universe communicates in such small, subtle ways that really speak to the core of our beings. This weekend I've again been struggling. Once again I've received my encouragement.

Perhaps most people would think me crazy, stupid, flaky, whatever. But I don't care. I am a dreamer. I have a vast inner life and I feel the force of the goddess in my heart. I believe in faith and flow, and the power of intentions and thoughts. When I feel a bit lonely and strange to the world around me, all I have to do is think of how I do NOT want to be- so many of the traits I see around me constantly.

As a side note, personality tests and intelligence/thinking tests I've taken rank me in a very small percentage of the population. I also have a rare blood type.

Anyhow, here's today's wisdom, which was exactly what I needed to hear, and what appeared as a single sheet of paper in a box of kitchen things I was unpacking.

" needs to become a professional waiter. Amateur waiters wait inside their emotions, they fret and worry and pine, and they focus on what they don't have, rather than on what they do have. The professional waiter is more Zen, he or she waits inside their eternity. They sit and wait because it is in their nature to do so, nothing much moves them. They are detached from the tumbling mental scenarios usually associated with waiting.

Professional waiting usually deals with tangible things: planes, boats and train, waiting for stuff to arrive. But beyond that there is the intangible, the unseen things we wait for. I term that 'deep waiting'. It doesn't involve logic; it is a form of waiting that asks you to hold an idea sacrosanct in your feelings knowing it will come to pass, when there is no logic of any kind to support the idea. It's a kind of spiritual waiting, a deep sense of trust in God."

-Stuart Wilde

Differing Views

As of yesterday, it has been one year since I moved out. And I forgot, which is a great thing.

Daya loves her pacifiers. She doesn't have a favorite, she just loves them all.

I do NOT love them and am just biding my time until they all disappear for good.