topiary cats

topiary cats

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Elephants Upstairs & Ugly Confessions

I'm a little cranky today because I was awake until midnight. Listening to the elephants upstairs. I've got some serious ceiling thunder, and its getting annoying. Called the super today and he'll talk to them. I hate complaining, because I'm sure they're lovely people, but I also dont like nights (and days!) filled with constant overhead stomping. I can literally hear every single step they take.

I've been bad at getting apartment work done the past few days. Sometimes I feel overwhelmed, but much of that might account for my morning schedule, which is thankfully only in effect until next Wednesday. It takes me an hour to get to Neashaw's house in the morning. I have been riduculously late to work, and leaving earlier, inexplicably, isn't helping.

My body aches. And I'm going to lunch tomorrow with a guy I met while getting a newspaper. I'd like to be friends but I'm not interested in anything further. I think he is. Even so it's kind of cool that someone asked me out. Whle I was looking less than presentable, no less.

But now for my Very Ugly Confession, which I admit plays a small (but not total) part in my disinterest from the Very Nice Stranger (this is where I wish I had a reader base to get some feedback on this): I am not interested in dating a black man again. That is a very terrible thing because it has racial basis, and is so uncharacteristic of me. It's nothing personal, it's just How I Feel. Illogical as it may be. I just...want distance, not feeling like I'm repeating something. It's too close to where I just came from, even though he is American. And I'm openly done with Africa.

1 comment:

  1. Anonymous3:25 PM

    I read regularly!!! As I am sure other do. Your daughter is absolutely adorable.

    I can honestly say I completely understand your not wanting to date another black man. And I can see that it has no grounds in "racial" prejudices. It's no different than having your heart broken by someone with blonde hair and stating that you don't want to date another blonde. It is all in the way the statement is perceived by the individual you are telling it to, and there is nothing you can do about the things that cause people to perceive things in the way they do.

    If you are saying this to a friend, I am sure they will know exactly where you are coming from and they "why" behind the thought.

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