topiary cats

topiary cats

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

Solitary Community

Yesterday was so strange and surreal. The kind of day where you feel you've completely lost your divine backing/support in your endeavours, then something so unexpectedly wonderful happens to tell you otherwise. The kind of unexpected wonderful that your lawyer isn't charging you any of the $500 quote to get some papers done. I am so deeply grateful. Beyond grateful.

A few days ago I was thinking about a man that I used to know but haven't seen in years. As I was entering the subway at Times Square to go home yesterday, he was standing right behind me. It was great to see him. He invited me to a women's circle that his partner runs, which I will not attend. The timing of this, though, has not escaped me. October is my time of fasting, cleansing, and reconnecting with Goddess energy.

A short number of years ago that was actually two lifetimes ago, I was pretty involved in the NYC Pagan community. That was such an important phase of my life, but I have no desire or need to go back.

I have never been able to find a community that I could stay with, though I felt deeply committed to all of them. I always outgrew them. I did the Christian thing, and found it empty and lacking. Then I went to the Pagans, and found many beautiful things and many horrible things. The Interfaith Ministers community was beautiful in their way, but they, too, were so full of politics and psychobabble. Mostly I found a lot of the same things in all the communities. I respect anyone who is in any of these, or other communities, there is nothing wrong with them, but none of them are for me. This year I have been in an Alone place, and in that place I have re-connected with myself spiritually in ways I never would have in the company of others.

While I do feel often that my life has been lonely, I treasure my ability to walk alone, to explore the vastness of inner worlds, and the deep serenity and peace that I experience more often than not.

The more I learn and expand the more I realize that I know nothing. That is one of the wonders of infinity. It is an exciting Journey.

1 comment:

  1. Anonymous2:30 AM

    I think we ride similar waves sometimes.

    I'd be interested to hear more about your experiences in the Pagan community. I've been a solitary for about three years now...


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