topiary cats

topiary cats

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

White, Black, or Gray?

I learned/realized something. Both, because I wouldn't have come to this on my own, but it also took a bit of realization to understand it.

There is a danger in being Light. You get all holy-moly. It blinds you.

I like to think of myself as a decent person, plugging along in my evolution. I like to think that I live a spiritual existence and process life in terms of spiritual lessons.

But if you put me in a pure place I think I'd look really bad. There is a lot of talk about shadow work, and I think its important. But I think it starts with self-honesty and awareness. That's hard.

The Christians like to believe that Jesus was perfect. But even in the context of their belief system, that doesn't make a bit of sense. If he was here to understand the human condition, he'd automatically be imperfect. But then, I don't subscribe to that belief system, so its irrelevant to me.

Perfection is arrogance. No one knows what the heck it is anyhow. I don't want to be perfect.

When I was a toddler I remember my mother talking to me about my soul and sin. I imagined my soul was something pristine white, and every time I sinned it left something that looked very like a tobacco stain.

I'm very back and forth in my view of humanity- parasites or pity? But I think its mch better to focus on loving, because even if it doesn't do anything it's good for your own energy.

I feel very alone lately. I'm just tired of it. That seems to be the story of my life, and I want it to change.

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