topiary cats

topiary cats

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Things I Regret

1. Not punching the living shit out of the ex the second after I got the epidural shot.
2. Requesting that he was there for the shot in the first place.
3. Not punching the living shit out of the ex at his lovely comments whispered in my ear while they were wheeling me in for my emergency c section.
4. Being nice to that girl right at the start of things, even when I suspected what was happening.

I've been pissed off in the last day or so, probably from dealing with the SCU stuff. What helps me, in some inexplicable way, is knowing there are others out there who have experienced similar things. And I know it could be a lot worse.

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I think a lot about the conversation I will have with Daya in a few years.
I think about the letter I will write to her that is to be included with my will and guardianship papers.
I owe her the truth, even if that truth is painful for her to hear.
And she deserves to know my fault in the matter, which was nothing I did to the ex to provoke his behaviour, it was my surrender of my power to him in the first place. I enabled it to happen. That is my fault.

I am trying, really, really trying, to transcend this. But I still get pissed off. I wish it was an overnight process. *sighs*

I officially said goodbye to that other thing.

October brings cleansing. I'm going vegan and sugar-free for the entire month.

2 comments:

  1. First of all, I'm a new visitor and wanted to say thanks for visiting my blog. Second, you are a great writer, you write with feeling and I can tell you've had alot of heartache. I wish there was some way to prove things will get better. They are getting better for me already.
    Continue to write and share your experiences.

    ReplyDelete
  2. sending hugs to you...

    ReplyDelete

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