topiary cats

topiary cats

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

Lollipop Gestapo

I have to go see the Lollipop Gestapo tomorrow. Yeah, the dysfunctional quagmire family my Higher Self chose in this lifetime. My grandmother crossed over Sat night...she came to me in a dream hours before I got the news, that was cool.

But I really don't like the family. I never miss them, I see them as little as possible, and I'm not looking forward to going. I'm glad my sister will be there.

I hate all the drama. The close-mindedness. Especially the emotional drama and glomping-on, how everything has to be a major production. I just don't have the stomach or temperament for it. When I go back there, it's always like going back to sit in an old prison I escaped from years before, except the door is still open for escape. A lot of old layers are still in my being, going there just reminds me of old resonances. I have moved to different places. They never knew me at all, even when I was closer to their ways. The thing is that I have no hope or expectation of their ever being able to understand the first thing about me.

Lately I have found myself easily irritated by very little incompotencies of other people. I don't like this about myself. I am really really drained. I think I'm walking near an edge, and I'm unaware that it's even there.

1 comment:

  1. good luck with the family gathering, I know those can be rough waters sometimes.

    Oh and also? Totally try to get more for child support.


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