topiary cats

topiary cats

Friday, July 07, 2006

Mostly OK

I've been taking the last 8 months or so to get my life back together, to get my head straight after all the crap, to heal my heart, to release anger, to learn forgiveness, to re-align spiritually. Help has come in the most incredible and beautiful forms. I have come a long way, but still have a road to walk.

Any situation can be looked at as a positive because there are incredible lessons and opportunities for growth. It is so true that we create our reality with our thoughts. The hard part is going through it, it hurts like hell. People get really hurt in this plane, really hurt.

As part of my "retreat", I have been making meditation a spiritual discipline. I can't imagine being where I am without it. Lately I have been oversleeping, doing my meditation at 6:30am instead of 5:30am. I have to realistically admit that I get exhausted.

Daya requires a lot, I have to make sure she's ok. Then the cat wants attention too, and I have to be there for her because she's always been a very good friend to me. Sometimes I want something for myself, to fill up that reservoir that I have long since let myself forget about. The words and support from friends helps, more than they will ever know, but I'm so tired, sometimes I really, really need help, but they cannot help me in the ways I need.

I never wanted to do this alone. I deeply resent being in this situation, because it was done on purpose with pre-conceived intent. For a god-damned greencard. That's the worst part of it.

Sometimes I get really, really scared...but I have to stop and remind myself that everything will be ok.

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