topiary cats

topiary cats

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

Comparisons

I find myself doing this, maybe its a little negative but I can't help it sometimes.

I find myself comparing my situation to other single moms. Especially, I find myself listing the things they have that I don't. For example:

-Child support/financial help**
-Family close by that helps out
-A car
-A dwelling where the child has their own room

But I also count my own blessings. I have:

-A (tiny) roof over my head. Not a great one, and I pay way too much rent for what I've got, but it's something
-A good job that I actually like and am good at with room for growth
-My health and relative sanity
-The capacity to financially support us, without any help
-A stable environment for the child
-Gratitude that I had the strength and resources to get the hell out

See? My blessings list is longer. That's good.

I do generally keep a positive mindset, I don't like feeling sorry for myself, and I really don't believe in being a victim. I do believe in taking responsibility for my choices. Some days are really hard, but I get through it.

Also, I know nothing about babies. In fact, mine is the only one I've ever been around. I never even played with dolls as a kid, I was much too busy playing in the dirt outside and having sword fights with my sister. And drawing. So if I'm really messing things up, I haven't got a clue that's what I'm doing. But the child is happy, and healthy, so I guess its ok. I'll try and screw her up as little as possible.

**I get a pathetic amount monthly in child support that doesn't even cover the cost of a month's worth of formula. I spend monthly on the child, on average, 12 times what I get in child support. And that's just for basic necessities and the babysitter. It was worth the trade-off, though, in getting him deported. Totally and completely worth it.

1 comment:

  1. I believe you have alot of blessings, your child is the best one. I don't get child support either but I have a great support system of family and friends, without them I wouldn't have been able to survive. Keep doing what you're doing, you'll get through it and so will your Sunshine.

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