Tuesday, September 16, 2014

This Explains Everything

Seriously.  Everything.  Although to be fair I do like my iPhone very much.



How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are? ~ Satchel Paige
There is a special kind of person in our world who finds himself alone and isolated, almost since birth.
His solitary existence isn’t from a preference or an antisocial temperament – he is simply old.  Old in heart, old in mind and old in soul, this person is an old soul who finds his outlook on life vastly different and more matured than those around him.  As a result, the old soul lives his life internally, walking his own solitary path while the rest around him flock to follow another.  Perhaps you’ve experienced this in your own life, or have witnessed it in another person?  If so, this article is dedicated to you, in hopes that you will come to define yourself, or understand another better.


Robert Frost, Eckhart Tolle and even Nick Jonas have been called them.  Perhaps even you have?  I did.  Like many of them, this self discovery was made upon meeting Sol, who told me about his childhood as a precocious, intelligent boy who would befriend the teachers instead of the students, just because they were too different from him.  As he related his inability to find interest in and connection to the people his age, I discovered that I felt the same, and still do.
If you have not yet discovered whether you’re an old soul, read some of the revealing signs below.


#1. You tend to be a solitary loner.
Because old souls are disinterested in the pursuits and interests of the people in their age groups, they find it dissatisfying to make friends with people they find it hard to relate to.  This is one of the major problems Old Souls experience.  The result is … old souls tend to find themselves alone a lot of the time.  People just don’t cut it for them.
#2. You love knowledge, wisdom and truth.
Yep … this seems a little grandiose and overly noble, but the old soul finds himself naturally gravitating towards the intellectual side of life.  Old souls inherently understand that knowledge is power, wisdom is happiness and truth is freedom, so why not seek after those things?  These pursuits are more meaningful to them than reading up on the latest gossip about Snooki’s latest boyfriend, or the latest football scores.
#3. You’re spiritually inclined.
More emotional old souls tend to have sensitive and spiritual natures.  Overcoming the confines of the ego, seeking enlightenment and fostering love and peace are the main pursuits of these young-in-body Mother Teresa’s.  To them it seems the wisest, most fulfilling use of time.
#4. You understand the transience of life. 
Old souls are frequently plagued with reminders of not only their own mortality, but that of everything and everyone around them.  This makes the old soul wary and at times withdrawn, but wisely dictates the way they live their lives.
#5. You’re thoughtful and introspective.
Old souls tend to think a lot … about everything.  Their ability to reflect and learn from their actions and those of others is their greatest teacher in life.  One reason why old souls feel so old at heart is because they have learnt so many lessons through their own thought processes, and possess so much insight into life situations from their ability to quietly and carefully observe what if going on around them.
#6. You see the bigger picture. 
Rarely do old souls get lost in the superficial details of getting useless degrees, job promotions, boob jobs and bigger TV’s.  Old souls have the tendency to look at life from a birds eye view, seeing what is the most wise and meaningful way to approach life.  When confronted with issues, old souls tend to see them as temporary and passing pains that merely serve to increase the amount of joy felt in the future.  Consequently, old souls tend to have placid, stable natures as a result of their approach to life.
#7. You aren’t materialistic.
Wealth, status, fame, and the latest version of iPhone … they just bore old souls.  The old soul doesn’t see the purpose of pursuing things that can be easily taken away from them.  Additionally, old souls have little time and interest for the short-lived things in life, as they bring little meaning or long lasting fulfillment for them.
#8. You were a strange, socially maladaptive kid.
This is not always the case, but many old souls exhibit odd signs of maturity at young ages.  Often, these children are labelled as being “precocious”, “introverted”, or “rebellious“, failing to fit into the mainstream behaviors.  Usually, these children are extremely inquisitive and intelligent, seeing the purposelessness of many things their teachers, parents and peers say and do, and either passively or aggressively resisting them.  If you can talk to your child like he/she’s an adult – you’ve probably got an old soul on your hands.
#9. You just “feel” old.
Before putting a name to what I felt, I experienced certain sensations of simply being an “old person” inside.  The feelings that accompany being an old soul are usually: a feeling of world wariness, mental tiredness, watchful patience, and detached calmness. Unfortunately, this can often be perceived as being aloof and cold, which is only one of many Old Soul Myths.
Just as some old people describe themselves as being “young at heart”, so too can young people be “old at heart”.


Aletheia Luna ~ ”Introvert”, “Empath”, “Ginger”, I go by many names. Above all, I’m a disciple of this vast, complex and mysterious thing we call life. In other words: I’m a guinea pig of existence – just like you. In this blog, I seek to share with you what I’ve discovered on my own personal journey of awareness, understanding and acceptance of myself and those around me. [More...] [Goodreads Author Profile...] 

Monday, September 15, 2014

Ending Sketchbooks

There are about 10 blank pages left in my sketchbook, which has been neglected for a while.  I used to carry it everywhere with me no matter what.  Today I started doing that again...it will be good for me.

Except that my current book is almost full.  I do have a new one lined up and ready to go, but starting a new sketchbook is always so difficult.  It feels like I am leaving an old comfortable friend.  New sketchbooks feel sterile.  They need to be broken in.

Perhaps I will finish my old sketchbook this week and move on.

Summers are always the worst time of year for me and I will be glad when the Equinox finally happens this weekend.

Maybe it is time for new starts anyhow, with Autumn coming to cool things down after this exceedingly strange and uncomfortable summer.

Wednesday, September 10, 2014

Dear God

Dear God,

I do believe that everything happens for a reason.
I also believe that our thoughts create our reality and we attract according to the intentions we send out.
I believe that love is stronger than fear and will transmute it if love is allowed into places of fear in our hearts.
I believe in a higher universal intelligence and the inter-connectedness of all things.
I believe if we are open and receptive we get our resources and Signs when we need them.

And then sometimes I get really pissed off at You.

Like lately.

WHY disrupt me from my nice bubble of existence, then throw some (admittedly very good) resources at me, just to say "Oh, well, nevermind after all."

If everything happens for a reason, would You please mind explaining it?

Because nothing is making a whole lot of sense right now, it is just making me very sad, and all I want is to go back to my nice bubble of existence where I don't have to worry about certain things. Things I was not looking for, haven't been asking for (lately), things I did not seek out.

So why put me through it? What is the lesson here? What is the point, the purpose? Because as far as I can tell it's not really benefiting anyone. At least not right now. So why now? Please very kindly explain Your divine timing.  I do not like mixed signals.  Not from other people and certainly not from You.

I need some serious help here from You.  You started it, so please finish it.

Unhappily and angrily yours,


Monday, September 08, 2014

Life Themes

When I look at my life, and the things that have been elements of my life for as long as I can remember, a few things stand out.  I have always been spiritually inclined, artistically inclined, and solitary.

Sometimes I understand the solitary theme and sometimes I do not.  It has enabled me to grow and develop in ways I don't believe would have been possible otherwise. It has given me a strange kind of freedom.  Whenever there has been a lack of people- accepting family, childhood friends, circumstances as an adult that have left me completely alone- I have turned inward to connect spiritually.  I know what it is like to really, truly need help and not have it.

You learn a lot by being alone. But for me, it really is the only thing I know.  Even when I was married I was alone- though I refused to see it at the time.  I was alone emotionally, I was the only one maintaining the material aspects of life.  I have been alone through all the major transitions of my life.  I am alone raising my child.  There is no one to trust other than myself, and I do trust myself.  I can "do being alone" without thinking.  But it does get lonely.  What more do I have to learn from the solitary part of my existence?  I'm already extremely good at it.  It's too comfortable.

I do not know how to not be alone, and I believe there is quite a lot for me to learn in this respect.  Maybe I want to know what it's like to not be completely solitary.

Spiritual Sadness

I feel very sad.

Which is a bit of a paradox because I have been meditating and in general being pretty connected spiritually. I have been making a very conscious effort to inject positive energy into my daily moments. I am trying to keep my energy from sinking.  It is hard work.

Sometimes it works for a short time.

But my sadness is all my own.  No one has done anything to cause it.  Maybe I just have to hold it for a while, as uncomfortable as that is.

Sometimes it seems I am so close, and then life just slips through past me.  I don't want to be awake most of the time.  I do not understand the big picture.

"A lesson learned, a loving God, and things in their own time- in nothing more do I trust."
-Indigo Girls

Saturday, September 06, 2014

Too Busy...well, ok.

Well, this really does say it all.

Thursday, September 04, 2014

4th Grade

Daya started 4th grade today.  She went to school with blue hair.  Definitely my child.

Wednesday, September 03, 2014


Today is one of those days where I just have no coping patience.  Daya's sulky-bad-mood-attitude-for no reason just is not helping things.  (Update: she just apologized)

 I'm overwhelmed and emotionally just completely exhausted.  My co-worker quit and her last day is next Thursday...so that leaves me flying solo on the NY team, at least for a while.

Also, I am in an in-between energetic state.  I might either have to re-adjust my energy significantly or not at all...there is no telling quite yet.  It's a very unpleasant limbo to be in.  Sometimes the hardest thing in the world to do is nothing.

Fourth grade starts tomorrow.  How I have made it through this far is very truly only by the grace of God.

Tuesday, September 02, 2014

True Love

Dear Chi iron,  I love you madly.  That is all.

Monday, September 01, 2014

It's September thank goodness

Bring on September. I cannot wait until school starts and routine is normal again.

 Lately I struggle with divine timing. How things make perfect sense but then they don't. It is very frustrating to be in this tunnel vision human experience. We can only zoom out our perspective so far. That is why the company we keep is so important. It's really difficult to hold on and remember, we have to keep reminding and supporting each other.

 So anyhow not last week but the week before I went upstate for a couple of days. It was odd the way it happened, the way timing went. But when things present themselves it's sometimes best to go with the flow and see what happens. As it ended up I got a pretty major energy healing and something was fixed, a very old energetic injury that has been bothering me for about 12 years. The healing was an incredibly interesting and colorful experience. I need to speak more with the lady (Nancy) who worked on me.

 Aside from Nancy I found 2 other people. I have discovered that fellow spiritually inclined people recognize each other pretty much instantly and we start speaking on a different level. It's deep, wonderful, and natural. There is a helpful and supportive exchange that occurs. We learn from each other. These encounters can last for a few minutes, hours, or a lifetime...it doesn't really matter. It's something to be thankful for.

Sunday, August 31, 2014

Sunday Thoughts

I decided to start blogging again. So here is a story that circulated around Facebook. Read it here. Basically, there is a restaurant in NC that gives diners a discount for praying in public. I seem to be the only one who thinks this is not only extremely weird, but slightly unsettling. Prayer is a private thing, a communion with God, Source, whatever you want to call it. It isn't something to be put on display, and it certainly isn't something to be shown off in order to get a financial reward. I pray all the time. In public, in private, but no one would ever know. And that's just the way I like it. A private communion from my heart right to God. I do wonder if their prayer discount extends to all traditions.

Saturday, August 30, 2014


Sometimes my heart hurts so badly I think I will die of sadness.


Ingen vet min sorg utan Gud.

Friday, August 29, 2014

PRT 2014

It's still Pigeon Risk Time (PRT). Until Sunday. I did not pay much attention to PRT this year but maybe I should have.

Saturday, February 01, 2014

Topiary Cats- The Cloud Series

All are 9x12 oil on panel

On the Hill

Space Clouds



Reflecting Pool

New Growth

Moon Clouds

Sunday, January 26, 2014

Topiary Still Life

Here's a cyan magenta and lemon yellow still life.

8x10 on canvas panel.

The egg really was green. I have been safekeeping it since last April (insides blown out) to paint a still life, and in the middle of this painting my cat sat on the egg and broke it.  I had to use a replacement egg.

Tuesday, January 21, 2014

Snowdrops Illumination

We are having a wonderful snowstorm tonight. The plant parade project is snowdrops over at WetCanvas, so I thought I should contribute this month in honor of the snow.  The text is a Hildegard von Bingen verse honoring the Virgin Mary.  I chose it because according to my medieval flower book, snowdrops are associated with her.

The design inspiration was the Prayer Book of Michele de Bezzoso, but the motif is my own creation..

9x12 acrylic, ink, and gold leaf paint on paper

Sunday, January 19, 2014

Illuminated Page

I have been cleaning out my studio and I came across this piece i started sometime last year. Instead of finishing up my studio, I am now finishing a couple of old paintings. 

The text is from a Hildegard von Bingen verse.

Acrylic, ink and gold leaf paint on paper. 9x12

Sunday, January 05, 2014


Here is a quick 1 hour sketch of Margaret, same three color challenge as the landscape.  :)

8x10 oil on canvas panel

Primary Landscape Sketch

Here is a little landscape I did in an hour this morning.  The challenge was to just use a limited palette of three colors plus white.  I used quinacridone red, cadmium yellow light, and pthalo blue.

8x10 oil on canvas panel

Saturday, January 04, 2014

Goodbye Drawing Table

Goodbye drawing table that I have been using since high school!  I have dragged every last bit of usefulness out of you.  Since I can't draw on you anymore because you long ago stopped staying stable at an angle, I have been using you as a taboret to keep my brushes and paints next to the easel.  Now, your definite easing into a downward slope is making me excessively nervous.  My daily prayer has been one of thanks that my paints and brushes amd solvent jar did not suddenly slide off you in the middle of the night.  Or the middle of the day for that matter.

So, it is with fond farewell that I bid you goodbye.

Number of cats that interfered with the moving of the table: 3

Tuesday, December 31, 2013

2013 Self Portrait- Five of Cups

I started this in September and finally finished it today!

12x16 oil on panel

Monday, December 30, 2013

It's that time again...

...to set New Years intentions.  I hope 2014 will be better than 2013 which just wasn't all that great.

This year I met all my intentions: I drank a whole lot of tea, meditated quite a lot, and met my unofficial goal of 1 studio painting per month.  I have to date finished 16 studio paintings this year, not counting plein air.  Not all those paintings have been posted because they are part of a series.

So here are my 2014 intentions:
1. Drink a lot of tea
2. Finish 1 studio painting per month (total 12 complete)
    -including 1 master copy (Memling)
3. Finish Through the Tarot in 78 days
4. Fast 2 days a week
5. Art reading: Color by Betty Edwards

Friday, December 27, 2013

This Year's Portrait Swap

Here is the lovely Heather from Wales.  9x12 oil on panel

I have been on vacation this week.  I love vacation.  This week i finished four paintings and got a lot of work done on 5 more.  I'm starting a 6th today.

Monday, August 19, 2013

Sketch from Amtrak train

Here is a little ipad sketch done with Inspire Pro.

Friday, August 16, 2013

Topiary Cats

Here are the first 7 paintings from a series I have been working on since April or so.

They are all 8x10 oil on panel.

First Encounter




Plugged In

The Sundial


Wednesday, August 14, 2013

Plein Air

Today was an absolutely perfect day to go out and paint.  I went up to the Cloisters to see the unicorn show (amazing!!) and paint.

2 hours 9x12 oil on panel

Thursday, August 01, 2013

It's Pigeon Risk Time again

You don't have to go through the trials of August.

Please join me in the 7th annual Pigeon Risk Time, because August just needs to GO AWAY.

Happy Pigeon Risk Time, may it be completely boring and uneventful.

Saturday, July 27, 2013

Central Park Plein Air

Here is a painting from Central Park.   Not my best, but I brought my daughter out painting with me and was teaching her.   She did her first ever oil painting/first ever plein air painting.  Hers came out better than mine.

8x10 oil pn panel

Wednesday, June 12, 2013

Second-Weirdest Plein Air

Since I don't feel like re-writing this story again I'm just going to repost what I wrote over on WetCanvas:

Today I went on my annual painting pilgrimage to the rose garden at Brooklyn Botanic Gardens. Because I really needed some nice painting-in-nature-solitude today, I decided not to paint in the rose garden- there were too many people.

After searching around for a bit, I found a lovely perfect shady tree to stand under, with a lovely composition to paint. And no people or school groups around. I'm sorry if that sounds really grumpy and antisocial but outdoor solitude is so hard to come by, sometimes I don't mind people around but I wanted to be alone today.

Here is a picture of the view:

 Isn't it nice? Aren't those flower bushes pretty?

I started setting up my gear. FIVE MINUTES after I began setting up, a lady with a suitcase and folding chair came over and settled down. I was annoyed. Then I thought "Well, maybe she is another painter too." I grudgingly admitted it was a lovely painting spot so I could understand why she would want to paint there. And I decided that even though it was annoying, another painter around was ok.

Oh, but she was NOT another painter after all.....

She sat herself down under my tree with her back to me and proceeded to open her suitcase which was full of....corn. She was shucking corn. She came to sit under my tree to shuck corn. In the middle of Brooklyn.

This stuff only happens to me.

Well, I moved. I can't paint under such irritating circumstances. And I'm sorry to be such a grump but WHO DOES THAT? WHY did she have to come over to my spot?

Anyhow, I painted this tree. 6x8 oil on panel, about an hour and a half.

Thursday, May 23, 2013


Here is what I did today:
  • Stayed up last nite until midnight painting my kitchen.
  • Woke up at 6:30
  • Clipped my cat's claws
  • Got Daya to the bus stop on time
  • Went to the store for the cleaning supplies I forgot to get yesterday
  • Continued painting my kitchen
  • My friend came over and kept me company
  • I was almost finished painting, and I ran out of paint
  • Went to Home Depot (again)
  • Went to Trader Joe's 
  • Went home, continued painting
  • Went out to lunch
  • Went to the post office
  • Went to Bed Bath and Beyond (again)
  • Went to Costco
  • Went home to get my debit card because they don't take credit cards at Costco
  • Went back to Costco
  • Went back home and put my frozen stuff away
  • Went to get Daya from afterschool
  • Went to the ballet studio for ballet picture night
  • Went home, made Daya dinner
  • Continued to paint the kitchen, all done now except the window sill
  • Took a shower
  • Hung new curtains
  • Put Daya to bed
  • Wrote this blog post.
I am going to go crash. Tomorrow I will be at work, which will be a blessed relief from my day off!!

Wednesday, January 30, 2013


Today I went to the baked potato truck for lunch.  The guy who runs makes a pretty good baked potato  but...he's weird and inappropriate.  My friend ordered her potato, but when I ordered mine he gave me the option for a sweet potato.  Which sounded pretty good until he said sweet potatoes are like female Viagra.  That's just so skeevy I have to share it with everyone.

Actually the sweet potato with spinach and cottage cheeze still does sound good,  I have to weigh that against dealing with the skeevy Russian dude...hmmm.

It really is a pretty good potato.

Sunday, January 13, 2013


This painting is a wedding present for my friend/co-worker who is getting married.  She is obsessed with her dog.  I have been working on it for about a month, it took a lot of planning.  The background is a pattern from Victorian wallpaper.  I hope my friend likes it!

I really like Winsor Newton Renaissance Gold paint. It has a lovely sheen.

This painting is difficult to photograph well, unfortunately it's overcast today. I may have to try again with sunlight.

12x16 oil on panel